I’ve been escorting (again) on the downlow the last couple months, to save money for a “straight” biz. I’m American, but live on a Latin American country and only see Americans here on business. Psychologically, its starting to get tough; I worry that somebody will find out and my efforts to build a new biz will be destroyed when it comes out, and that I won’t be able to share this with a partner or ever have kids. It’s getting heavy and scary, especially at night; when I wake up it’s like those dark clouds have left me – but I know they will come back. And the Backpage shutdown has made it much worse. How can I stop these thoughts?
Unfortunately, I think you are going to need more help handling these feelings than I can give you here. I’m not a psychologist, but it seems to me that you’re suffering more than a normal amount of anxiety over this and could use a little professional assistance. This is not to say that what you’re feeling is unreal; all of the concerns you’ve listed are very real and very rational, especially with the US government now actively crusading against sex workers all over the world rather than just in the US. But even feelings with a sound basis in reality can become overwhelming, and it sounds like you’re headed in that direction; even talking with a therapist might help, and she can help you to determine if something like an anti-anxiety medication (such as alprazolam) might be right for you (I take that very medication myself for my anxiety attacks). If you don’t have a good therapist, maybe Alyxx could help you; she is licensed to do therapy by phone or Skype.
Hang in there, and good luck!
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