Alternative Route

by Ashley Lister
 Whenever I see the illuminations, I often wonder how something so well-organised could have been managed by Blackpool Council. The poem below gives a fuller picture of how I perceive Blackpool Council to operate.

Alternative Route 
The mayor approached Blackpool CouncilHe looked as sad as the saddest sick pup.“It’s a blow to the town,”he said with a frown.“But there’s a road that we’ve not yet dug up.”
The councillors cried out in horrorTheir responses could not have been more shockedThey whispered and mumbledAnd griped and then grumbledCos they knew every road should be blocked.
“It’s a breach of council policy,” one cried.“The tax payers will think it’s a con.They know it’s our jobsTo all act like knobs.And stop roads from being driven upon.”
Another one paled rather gravely.“This is the bad news that I’ve always feared.For a century or moreBlackpool’s had just one law:To make drivers regretting coming here.”
“How did this oversight happen?”Asked a councillor who’d been quietly lurking“You should feel like a fool.Don’t you know it’s Blackpool?Where none of the roads should be working.”
“I have messed up here,” said the mayor.“They say I couldn’t find tits on a whore.What I wanted to doWas stop each of youFrom driving from North to South Shore.”
“I think I should hand in my notice,” he said.“And don’t worry, I won’t start a fight.But since he paid us today,Amounderness WayShould be renamed after Eric Wright.”
Some of the council protestedAnd some of them taunted with jibesBut they did let him goBecause most, as you know,Wanted their crack at his bribes.
“We are elected officials,” said the mayor.“We’re the ones the el-ect-or-ate chose.”It doesn’t matter That our wallets get fatterAnd we don’t know our arse from elbows.”
“What matters is our moral obligationWe should forget about creaming off loot.But before I resignI’d like to sell some old signs:
I’ve got eight gross saying, please use alternative route.”