As a child, my mother regularly attended a Baptist church and was baptized at the age of ten. Shortly after I was born, at four months, my mother had me christened at a Catholic church. We both had the spirit of the Lord within us early on in our lives, and she introduced me to the bible at an early stage of my youth.
My mother took notice of the special gifts and talents that I had growing up, observing how advanced I was as she herself was very smart, and highly intuitive.
The both of us went through a lot, however, my mother always believed and trusted in God no matter what. There were certain things that I could sense and feel and that I was repulsed by, and the devil would come hard against my mother and I, but we never gave in.
Instead, I had gotten angry.
I blamed God for a number of things. I was angry for being born into the world, for having to go through certain things I felt I shouldn’t have and that I didn’t deserve.
I believed God was trying to hurt me, that God was against me, that God was a mean, cruel, sick, unfair God who was apt to punishing at any opportunity in accordance to what displeased him or that he was just waiting for the moment to find fault with me just to send me to hell.
I felt it was impossible to love, trust, and live under a God successfully under those conditions and terms. It was very hard for me to perceive God as the good, loving, caring, trustworthy, merciful god that I’d often hear people claim that he was. I just couldn’t understand their reasoning.
My mother conveyed to me there was a time in her life where she felt similar to the way I did. Wondering why God allowed specific things to happen and tended to think negatively about him.
My mother did stress to me that the Lord wasn’t against me and that god was good. She explained how good God had been to her throughout her life, and this is what confused me at a period. I had to admit to myself that no matter what went on within our lives we had always come out okay, or even better than okay.
I can give testimony to the wonderful and amazing turnabouts from our trials and tribulations, regardless of what may have occurred and seemed unfavorable or impossible.
Life is full of ups and downs, in general. It is even more burdensome when trouble comes through the vile hands of malicious people as well as the malignant principalities of this world.
I loved when the good things would constantly happen, I wanted life to continue on in those ways permanently. It was easy to have faith and believe in God while experiencing the pleasant moments of life. Yet, I learned that true faith, or a deeper faith, comes with fully trusting God when things don’t go well, and when all seems hopeless.
This is when our belief is ultimately put to the test.
When we stick with the Lord during the worst, most devastating events of our lives, knowing in our hearts he will come through in a fashion we don’t clearly perceive-but expect, from his loyalty and truth, amid his past accounts-we can rest assured God has prepared a grand delivery. All of our distinct packages are wrapped, sealed, and distributed through our unwavering faith.
