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In March 2005 I found out I was pregnant. From the moment those 2 lines appeared, my world came crashing down. I had just turned 20, had a full time job and a boyfriend of one year, we lived together and I thought my life was good. I took the pregnancy test as my boyfriend kept going on about taking one, I thought he was being silly seeing as I never had symptoms not even a missed period.
Once I took 3 tests, all confirming my pregnancy I finally plucked up the courage to phone my boyfriend. His silence said it all.
He told me he didn’t want a child, it was in my best interest to ‘get rid’, It was either the baby or him.
It finally sank in I was pregnant, I didn’t want to kill the baby because he said too, but I didn’t want to bring a child up alone either.
Doctors referred me to the abortion clinic, he came with me, I had a scan and I saw the baby. I was 8 weeks pregnant. I was booked in 2 days later for the procedure, those 48 hours were awful. I cried, I screamed I even begged, but he said you’ve got to do it.
The 6th April 2005 I went to the clinic, I went to the toilets and sent frantic texts to my boyfriend begging him to let me come out. Finally I was called, it was my turn.
After it was all over I woke in hysterics, I stayed for a little while then was sent home.
We broke up shortly after.
Every single day since then, I have never stopped thinking about that baby. Every November around the EDD, I always feel sad.
I suffered with severe depression after that day, I’ve attempted suicide 3 times, I took drugs, drank myself silly.
Then I met a new partner , he changed it all, although we aren’t together no more, we have a gorgeous daughter. She is my world. I still suffer with depression and had PND after she was born, but things do get better.
I never spoke to anyone about how I felt and I feel that’s what made everything worse. Please talk to someone, before and after…
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