It's funny how we can fall away from our own truths over the years.
Yesterday when I was letting myself go into my own little pity partyof how … things didn't work out how I had planned ….(with one of my children) ...
I was reminded of many years ago….
I had 3 children under 4.I was overcome with responsibility and with the third had been thrown off my career course.
I was feeling disappointed and angry with my life….
I had worked my entire life for a careerand here I was mother of threeand had recentlybefore the birth of my thirdhad even shuttered my businessas I realized I couldn't do it all.
I was not happy. I always thought I could completely direct the course of my lifeI was a women who had grown up in the 80's I could do it all.
But only to realize I couldn't.Not well at least.So I had almost begrudginglydecided to 'just be a mother'.
So simmering disappointment and anger accompanied me on my daily mothering duties.
Then one evening in the dark hours of the nightI woke up to see our hall light was on.Out of no where it had just come on.
Not thinking too much of it…but waking and mentioning it to my husband just the same…we dismissed it as a faulty dimmer on the hall lightshut it off and went back to bed.
The second nightI again awoke in the middle of the night to the hall light on.This time I woke my husband to make sure he saw it too.I joked with himgoing back to sleepif the next night the bathroom light came on insteadI would know it was a message from beyond.
Yes.the very next nightI awoke to that very bathroom light being on.It wasn't a faulty dimmer switch on this light.
I can still rememberthe feeling in the realization of what had happenedand my blood running cold.This was something from somewhere else.
You can hear of these sort of happeningsbut until you experience it for yourselfthey can be dismissed.
Even that night as dismayed and shocked as I wasI couldn't really understand the messageuntil I told the story in the morning
of how ...
"I woke up and saw the light"As soon as I uttered those words…I knew.
I knewthat I had seen the lightand knew in my heart of heartsthe meaning.
That I had been so busy mourning my pastand a future that wasn't going to be the way I thought it would be ...
I was missing the beauty and blessings that were my life.
I had been given a futurethat was so much richer than Icould have imagined.Being the momma to my threewas a true blessing and a miracle in how it actually came to be.(which is a story in itself for another day).
As soon as I uttered the wordsI knew some day I would miss these days(and indeed I have so very much).
I realized that this was actually a sacred timethat I had been blessed with three lives to raise.andin that realization my life was changed foreverbecause
"I woke up and saw the light".
Even though my life was different from what I had thought it would be
it was richer than I could of ever imagined.My heart was full.
I never saw my situation the same.I truly woke up to see the beauty and the mystery that is life.
Our lives don't always look like what we imaginesometimes we have to "wake up and see the light".andLet got of what was
and
our vision of what will be.
And fully embrace the
what is now.
In the course of waking those three nights
I was able to wake up to truly seeand experiencethe beauty and the miracle that was my life thenbeing the mother to my three.
I remembered my story today
as I was once agin settling for a little self pity partyin that my life didn't turn out exactly like I thought …
only to realize and rememberthat life often doesn't
but the trick is to
"wake up and see the light"and the beautythat is in lifetoday.
Because I know
that
if we waste days mourning our pastor a future we had imagined
we miss the beautythat this present day brings.
I also know that the best way
to see today's beautyis with intentional gratitude.I am ever so grateful for three nightly visitsa long time agoand to know there is so much more to lifethan what I can see
today.
As always my friends
I wish you love and joy
as you find your own
truths in life.
