Hey dad, I’m about to talk about boobs. Don’t read this one, okay?
I try not to complain a lot (somewhere, my husband is snort laughing.) But I need to get something off my chest. Pun intended.
WHAT THE HECK IS UP WITH THE UGLY NURSING BRAS?
This is certainly a first world problem, but there is a serious lack in the retail market and someone, somewhere, should immediately whip up a prototype and audition for Shark Tank because THIS IS A MILLION DOLLAR BUSINESS IDEA.
Look. I’m not a fancy girl. By any means. I don’t wear fancy bras when I’m not nursing (somewhere, my husband is nodding sadly.)
But apparently, the Nursing Bra Designers of the world have decided that breastfeeding is synonymous with being Amish. And I am not Amish. And I would like to find a good nursing bra that does not come up to my collar bone. Is that too much to ask?
Look. I don’t need a fancy nursing bra. And I certainly don’t need a sexy nursing bra.
I just need…..a normal, somewhat pretty, makes-me-feel-good-about-myself-and-a-tiny-bit-feminine nursing bra.
Is this too much to ask?
Two weeks ago I searched high and low via the Internet for a racerback nursing bra. It’s 80 degrees outside and I own a lot of racerback tank tops. My search yielded two results: nursing sports bras and nursing sleeping bras. Huh? When I searched for “regular” racerback bras, my search yielded 72,841 results.
Victoria’s Secret alone carries 237 types of racerback bras. WHAT.
Hey Victoria’s Secret, can we talk for a sec? How is it even humanly possible that a store plastered with posters of boobs does NOT sell nursing bras? Am I crazy for thinking this is crazy? I don’t even shop at your store all that often but I imagine you probably have a pretty loyal fan base. In fact, I’d be willing to bet large sums of money that you have a lot of loyal customers who, at some point in their life, will nurse babies. I’m super curious—where do you send them when that happens? What do you say to them?
“Oh, sorry momma. Our bras are for non-nursing boobs only. You can take your nursing boobs across the mall to the frumpy maternity store. Good luck!”
Huh? Hey Victoria’s Secret, can I let you in on a secret? One of the prime times to buy new bras is when you’re nursing. Most new mommas like to treat themselves to a few things after giving birth, like fancy yoga pants, a pretty nightgown, and, lo and behold—new nursing bras.
Do you need me to simplify this even more? We NEED new bras. Our BOOBS are BIGGER. We MUST go bra shopping. Why in the world are you excluding us?
I know you guys are all about the sex appeal. Your offer a plethora of “lace” and “push-up” and “cutout” and “fishnet” and “cheeky” options, guaranteed to bring heat to the bedroom. Is that what this is about? Is this about sex? Maintaining your sexy vibe?
I’m assuming you already know this, but do you know what sex can sometimes lead to?
BABIES.
And do you know how those babies sometimes eat?
FROM BOOBS.
And do you know what those boobs need?
AN EFFING GOOD NURSING BRA.
So really, VS, help a sister out. You have 237 racerback bras on your website, and I just want, like, ONE racerback nursing bra. You guys are supposed to be bra experts, so maybe you could put your money where your mouth is and make a nursing bra that doesn’t suck.
Is that too much to ask?
In the meantime, I’ll be spending my hard-earned money over at Nordstrom, because even though their in-store nursing bra selection is pitiful, they at least acknowledge the simple fact that my boobs are currently being used for more than just sex and filling out tank tops.
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