A Preview Review of True Blood Season 5

You have already read her thoughts on True Blood Season 4 in her “Open Letter to Alan Ball”, if not read it here. Now she has written a review of what True Blood Season 5 will be like – based on the casting calls we posted recently from Bookies ♥ True Blood!

This is what our good friend, Diane said in her review…

Yes, that’s right a review of season 5 of True Blood before filming even starts. Judging by how season 4 left me wishing I could erase the latter part from my memory, I did not hold out much hope for the return of Season 5 getting back in MY good graces.  And what do you know but that the first round of major casting calls and the title of episode one had the ONE tiny bit of hope I did have, flying right out the damn window. Bye Hope, it was nice having your around for a while.

I really wish he would have started a show from his own point of view, rather than getting anywhere near the Sookie Stackshouse Novels. With that being said, I still would have noticed the many, many problems; i.e. plot holes, plot devices and inconsistencies. This is due to the fact that he seems to deviate from his own story so much it is unrecognizable.

Season 5 is one hot mess already and filming has not even started. One would think that alone would stop the supposed “top show runner” right in his “ruin True Blood” tracks but I do believe that is his master plan. He wants to sink the bloody ship.  Let’s break this down, just from the casting calls alone, shall we?

[SALOME] 20 to 40. THE Salome from the Bible. Dark haired with dark features, exotic looking, Mediterranean, Middle Eastern and /or African. An ancient vampire who is a world class seductress and fiercely intelligent. She also has quite a lot of madness in her. She is the most powerful person in every way yet capable of hiding this power when it serves her purposes. Series Regular. Possible nudity.

The Salome from the Bible?!   Which one, I ask you?  The one who demanded the head of John the Baptist or the mother of the disciples James and John? It does not matter, because Ball will twist and morph it to be like the Salome from the SSN and manage to screw it up somehow.  I am sure this story-line will make about as much sense as Jason being raped repeatedly so Jessica can feed him her blood.After all, this show  is all about the blood. It will be much ado about nothing, to be sure. NEXT!

[NORA] 25 to 35. Beautiful, any race, centuries old. A double agent working within the Vampire Authority. Eric’s vampire “sister” – a progeny of Godric. Intelligent, intimidating, cool under pressure and a very good liar. She loves Eric deeply, but has dedicated her life to a higher purpose. Series Regular. Possible nudity.

YAWN!  A part of me was intrigued by this but that quickly faded when I remembered that I have no faith in Alan Ball actually having a story-line that meshes with the overall story arc and have it make perfect sense!  There has been no mention of this sister of Eric’s; it has never even come up in previous conversations. One would think Pam would know, but hell she never knew about his human family dying at the hands of Russell. I digress, forgive me.  When Godric was missing and Eric went to great lengths to find him, why was this sister not mentioned? She could have been very helpful in the quest of finding his maker. It would have been nice if we would have had some prior knowledge of her, a simple shout out would have been nice, just saying. I feel this will be much ado about nothing as well. NEXT!

They were not kidding when they said Alcide will play a bigger role in Season 5. There seems to be no shortage of were’s, OH MY!  I guess he is the next big thing. If Alcide was not such a yawn fest, I could get behind this but alas I cannot.  Bottom line, this is too predictable and comes as no surprise at all. True Blood use to be so unpredictable, but not anymore.

 [J.D.] 50s, a particularly large Marine-type werewolf, he refuses to bow down before the new pack leader…1 speech, 1 scene RECURRING

Alcides Dad! Enough said! How Alan Ball can follow this story-line verbatim and not get Sookie right is beyond me. NEXT!

[ROCKY] 16, Caucasian, a hunter, he is Holly’s (Lauren Bowles) eldest son who doesn’t think very highly of Holly…7 lines, 1 scene POSSIBLE RECURRING

[WADE] 14, Caucasian, a hunter, he is Holly’s (Lauren Bowles) youngest son who is still willing to give Holly the benefit of the doubt…5 lines, 1 scene POSSIBLE RECURRING (22)

I could care less about Holly’s kids, except to say that it seemed to me that her kids were young still but never mind, it does not matter. It is all just filling creme that no one really gives two shits about. NEXT!!

 [CAMMY] This sorority girl with an especially hot body takes a liking to Jason (Ryan Kwanten) at a party and assumes they’ll be having sex…GUEST STAR

[ZANDER] A particularly handsome frat boy, he feels an instant attraction to Jessica (Deborah Ann Woll) at a party. They enjoy playing Rock Band 3 and singing a Jimi Hendrix song together…

[FRAT BOY #1] This frat boy enjoys playing drinking games at a party…3 lines, 2 scenes

[SORORITY GIRL #1] She attends a house party and declares Jessica the coolest vampire she’s ever met…3 lines, 2 scenes

Seriously???? You want me to actually believe that Jessica will go to college; after receiving a high school equivalent or glamoring her way pass entrance exams, so she can experience all the things “normal” girls her age experience?  She will attend frat parties with her cop boyfriend who is a grown ass man. Please spare me! Alan news flash for you: this is not 90210! NEXT!

  [TEAM CAPTAIN #2 / DONNIE] Seen in flashback, this 6th grade boy bullies Sookie and is very angry and disturbed when she reveals something private about his life…3 lines, 1 scene

[TEAM CAPTAIN #1] Seen in flashback, this 12-year-old boy is a bully who doesn’t pick Sookie for his kick ball team…1 line, 1 scene

Oh, goodie, more Sookie flashbacks to give us insight to how she was treated as a child due to her telepathy. It is such a shame that they are just now getting around to this; we should have been shown this back in season 1 or 2. It makes no sense to do so now, especially since it won’t create a major impact on anything current.  The only way this MIGHT be remotely good is if she uses her microwave fingers of fail on the bully captains! Whom I am kidding? NOT EVEN THEN!

I predict that season 5 will be all Much Ado about Nothing, a whole lot of nothing at that. Unless Alan Ball gets off the “Crazy Train” I can’t see Season 5 redeeming the show at all, not with what we have heard so far.  I am not interested in anything I have seen about Season 5 and I doubt I get excited at all. At this point, I really can’t be bothered. Hello, Game of Thrones! The Night is dark and full of terrors!

She also has a poll up on her blog to find out if you will be watching True Blood Season 5? If you are, what is your reasoning behind it? She gives you a few choices to choose from. Cast your vote here!

Thanks Diane for sharing your thoughts with us!

What are your thoughts? Do you agree or disagree?

Share ‘em below!