A few years ago we traveled as a family to Kerala, the
spice garden of India, in the south of the country. It was a fascinating experience
and although so many of our holidays include sunset dinners with a bottle of
wine in the shadow of an ancient monument (no, I honestly mean the stone and
mortar variety, not Outdoor Man), India was very different. We rode elephants,
stayed on houseboats, were wary of monkeys in the trees above us and generally
feasted out on a culture with sights, smells and customs very different to our
own.
We were conscious that alcohol was available if you wanted
it, but apart from an occasional bottle of beer, none of our party imbibed
except, that is, for the guide who, even on our first night, returned to our
dinner table smelling of spirits and somewhat more agitated and vocal than when
he had left us.
That memory came back to me today when I read that Kerala attributes 69% of its crimes and 80% of its cases of divorce and domestic
violence to alcohol. As a result it is looking to reduce alcohol consumption
across the state by revoking licences for the sale of liquor and its aim is to
be totally dry within a few years.
Alcohol is a contributory factor to many a divorce and
violent episode here in the UK too. Surely there cannot be a divorce lawyer in
the country who has not drafted a petition for divorce with those notorious
words: “The Respondent drank to excess…”
There is a school of thought that suggests that alcohol
exacerbates one’s natural temperament, emphasising the aggression in some and
the soft and entertaining nature of others. So there are some who sing and
dance on the table before falling asleep underneath it, and others who maliciously
throw the table and chairs whilst trying to impose their will on those who are
weaker than themselves. The person who is sweet and innocent when sober, can
turn into a demon possessed when “under the influence”.
Before the UK would consider banning the sale of “booze”,
however, it would inevitably consider other options. Indeed a minimum price tag
seems to be the current political favorite. Might I, however, suggest an
alternative, namely: the introduction of elephants in the streets and monkeys
in the trees? Although it hasn’t worked in Kerala, were British drinkers to come face to face with an ape or woolly mammoth whilst binge drinking in the local town centre, they would
surely think they had overindulged and it was time to make a quiet retreat to
bed.