A lot of people will say it is silly to talk about restaurant rules in Paris, because of course you do not have to follow rules. And many of these don't apply to a group of students going out to cafes. But a lot of Americans, even "foodies" who go to good American restaurants all the time, are anxious the first time they go to a nice restaurant in Paris. So I thought I would write a post about that. Feel free to disregard any of these "unwritten rules", but it's not bad to know what is expected.
And don't worry people are being snobbish to you! Every Paris restaurant is used to tourists. Just be as polite as you would be at home, smile, and enjoy yourself.
You can wear whatever you like. But you will definitely be treated more respectfully if you dress as if you care how you look.
In the U.S., a man will often hold the door for the women to enter first. But in Paris, it's polite for the man to go in first-- he will encounter the maître d' and give the reservation name or ask if there is room. The first person into the restaurant will be assumed to be the host-- you will see that this applies to women who dine together, too.
If there is a banquette or a wall, the women in the group are seated along it. The men always sit on the outside. I've become so French that it seems very odd to me now when I see an American group sitting with the women on the outside.
Women to the banquettes! This is Bofinger with its famous verrière or stained-glass skylight
The menus are given and orders taken starting with the women-- usually with the oldest woman present, how polite! The waiter gives you the menu and a bit of time, then comes back to take a drinks order. Usually, only after the drinks are on the table will the order be taken.
Bread may be on the table, but French people don't tend to touch it until the main course arrives. And they don't eat it with butter unless they are having a big seafood platter. Don't know why, but lo! it is thus.
If you order foie gras, never spread it on the toasts to eat it-- instead, cut it with fork and knife and put it in your mouth, and break and eat the toasts separately. If in doubt, watch the French people with you.
If you order red meat, the only acceptable way to order it is saignant (rare, literally "bleeding") or à point (medium rare). Anything else is seen as ignorant and a waste of good meat, unless maybe you're pregnant.
When the wine arrives, the waiter uncorks it at the table, pours a small amount in a glass, and offers it to the host. The host then swirls it around, smells it, and tastes it. Only after the host pronounces the wine acceptable is it poured into the other glasses.
You don't have to order bottled water in France. Most restaurants are happy to give you a carafe d'eau.
French manners: hands on the table at all times!
Not only is it rude in France, as in the U.S., to eat with your elbows on the table, but you are also supposed to have your hands on the table at all times. This can take a little getting used to if you are like me and used to have your left hand rapped if it lay on the table. The French eat with their forks in their left hand and their knives in their right, and as you are not allowed to cut your salad, they become experts at making neat little folded packets of salad to convey to their mouths with their left hands. It gets a little trickier with things like peas!
If you order a fish dish, it will often arrive in its skin with the head still on. If you don't like the idea of dismantling this, you can always ask the waiter to "prepare" it. He will then whisk it away and return it to you looking much more elegant than it probably would if you did it yourself.
If you are a vegetarian, you won't have an easy time in France. The French still regard vegetarianism as a weird cult. But it is becoming more common, especially among visitors to France, and chefs will often make a real effort to please you in a good restaurant if you tell the waiter you can't eat meat and ask if something else can be prepared for you. Otherwise, you can often make a meal of entrées (which in French does not mean the main course but the appetizers).
If there are men and women at the table, the man is expected to keep an eye on the glasses of the women near him and fill them whenever needed. The woman will not usually ask him or pour the wine or water herself so this is an important one if you're a man dining with French women!
Even if you are at a business dinner, it is considered plouc (tacky) to talk business until dessert, especially if there are others at the table who are not business associates. This isn't an absolute rule of course. But it is a general rule.
If cheese is ordered, it will pass only once. Always keep the cheese in the same shape it came in, and never "cut off the nose" of a cheese (cutting the tip). That's considered greedy, because it's the best part!
After dessert comes coffee (always black espresso unless you specifically ask for a crème-- which is normally reserved for breakfast in France) and if you are lucky, some final little treat to put you in a good mood on the way out. The waiter will never plop down the bill in front of you before you are ready. Even if you are the last one in the restaurant, you will still have to ask for the bill to get it. Isn't that civilized?
