And when there were four sets of footprints in the sand, that was a barbershop quartet chasing you.
— Snorklhuahua (@weinerdog4life) September 25, 2013
My suicide note is a binder filled with surveillance photos of me using my debit card to buy a Kit Kat.
— sara (@mrsjohngoodman) September 23, 2013
We're gonna rock down to electric avenue, there has been a fire
— Turkin_Town (@TurkinTown) September 24, 2013
When I take a girl to meet my parents, I bring her to a cemetery and say "There they are" and point to some ducks
— Jacy Catlin (@ieatanddrink) September 25, 2013
Keep your friends close and your enemies close to a wood chipper then push em in.BONUS VIDEO! NO EXTRA CHARGE! VIEW NOW! EXCLAMATION POINT!
— miss charades (@ShockTartBionic) October 2, 2013
Read more great tweets here, eh?
