1 - Men don't know how to 'talk' to Women...
Chris is the loveliest guy ever and whilst he truly makes me feel my absolute best all the time, I have come to the realisation that Men don't know how to talk to Women. Here is an example...
Me: *Gets up early to get dolled up for boyfriend. Steps off bus with suitcase to go on a weekend away*
Chris: *Smiles*
Me: *he must love how good I look...*
Chris: "hiya baby! aww you've got that thing!!"
Me: *thinking he means the sass of a catwalk model* "what's that then?"
Chris: "Dandruff".
His wee face was so oblivious to the fact he'd said anything wrong so I just laughed. It was right there and then that I realised Men don't know how to talk to Women.
2 - I have double standards..
I am Woman hear me roar, but eh, I don't want to deal with carrying my bags, can you do it for me? I always insist on doing things myself as 'just because I'm a Woman doesn't mean I NEED a Man to help me' but sometimes, when I just don't want to deal with my shopping bags, or I want to watch Love Island, I like to remind Chris that I'm a girl and he should do it. I have double standards. I'm happy to admit it.
3 - I see girls checking him out, EVEN WHEN I'M WITH HIM!
Not every girl has the same 'girl code' as I do (if you don't know what that means it's likely you're void of it... #JustSayin). There was one time I remember specifically because your girl dragged her boyfriend to Iceland (the shop, not the country) to buy snacks (if I'm watching football for him it's likely because I've been promised snacks!). As I was casually checking to see which sharer bags of crisps felt the fullest (yes, really), I noticed some kale munching goddess eyeing up Chris! she did the hair flick, then looked at him and then noticed the 5,7 crisp laden gremlin next to him (that's me FYI) and smiled. Gurrrrlll... Naw.
4 - If you 'advise' a Man on something, he will ignore it.
"babe, don't pick that spot, it's a bite and is still inflamed, it'll make it worse" *Chris picks spot*
"let's not mix drinks tonight so we're not too rough tomorrow" *Chris drinks tequila and washes his dinner down with some cider*
To avoid having a nervous breakdown, I just try not to 'advise' men unless I'm asked!
5 - Giving a Man 'options' leads to PMS-esque breakdown
"Do you want the first shower or should I go first and blowdry my hair while you're in?" or "We can either order some food before we get ready or after but if we order before we get ready chances are it'll be here by the time we're ready so should we just do that?"
Both of these are questions which will cause you to have a PMS-esque breakdown. Men cannot make decisions. End of discussion.
6 - Makeup gets blamed for EVERYTHING
It doesn't matter if it's a slevver stain on his pillow from him drooling through the night or i'm taking too long to get ready, makeup gets blamed for everything. Babe, if it wasn't for makeup you wouldn't want to leave the house with me. Be grateful.
7 - Men will moan at you for taking too long to get ready, then be the last one out of the house..
Timeline of me and Chris getting ready for anything...
Chris: "Oh times going in quick eh'
Me: "oh is it. Ah well I won't be long"
*2 minutes later*
Chris: "better watch your time darling"
*Another 2 minutes later*
Chris: "have you seen the time?"
Me: "aye ok!! I just need to do my lipstick and decide what I want to wear"
*Insert Chris having a breakdown*
Me: "right the taxi is here"
Chris: "aw ok. I'm just going to nip to the loo"
Every. Bloody. Time.
So there are 7 Things I wish I knew when I was single. What do you wish you knew when you were single?
Holly x
