You know I have a thing with words. It’s a fault of mine–that being I too often judge people by the words they use.
I’ve written about annoying words and gross words on this blog many times before.
Today, I couldn’t hold back. I just had to dive back into the slimy world of stupid and annoying words yet again.
Here are six of my newest least favorite words.
Open-minded
Example: Joe: “I really prefer to be around more open-minded people.”
Jane: “So you don’t like hanging out with close-minded people?”
Joe: “Exactly.”
I often label myself as “open-minded,” but I’m probably a lot like most of you. We’re only open-minded until we find something to be close-minded about. For me, I’m open-minded except when it comes to Scientology. And anti-vaxxers. And Nazis. And Ann Coulter. And people who say lakes can have beaches. And Florida Gators fans.
But “wait a minute,” you say, “you’re being close-minded about my open-mindedness!” To that, I respond, “You’re not being very open-minded to my close-mindedness!”
Pants
Example: “I put my two legs in my pants. Look at my pants.”
Have you ever thought why we call it a “pair of pants?” It’s one item of clothing. There’s not a pair of anything. We don’t say a “pair of shirts.” Why isn’t it just a “pant?” But that sounds stupid too. Pants is just a stupid word. Did Jerry Seinfeld have a bit about this? I feel like this might be a Seinfeld joke.
Foodie
Example: “Tyler is such a foodie! He ordered the rosemary kale tuna carpaccio yesterday!”
By all intents and purposes, I could be labeled a “foodie.” I love eating out at different restaurants and trying new types of food. I’ll pretty much eat anything at least once.
But let’s talk about the word “foodie”—it’s a stupid, terrible word. Very few words in the English language can be improved by adding an “ie” to the end of them. This is linguistical fact. Examples might include “selfie,” “toesies,” “goodie” and even “tootsie.”
Liberal/Conservative
Example: Internet Guy: “Stupid liberals!”
Other Internet Guy: “Stupid conservatives!”
As a Christian living in the southern United States, I know quite a few self-proclaimed “conservatives.” If we sat down and talked about our views, they’d probably call me a “liberal.” If I ever had the (mis?) fortune of sitting down and chatting with Michael Moore, he’d probably call me a flaming conservative.
See what I’m getting at here? “Liberal” and “Conservative” are stupid labels. The internet guy who says “stupid liberals” is basically saying “stupid morons.” Liberal is actually a word with a meaning—it’s not a massive generalization of an entire group of people who disagree with you. [steps off pedestal]
Bandwidth
Example: “Hey Jenni, what’s your bandwidth for the rest of the day?”
I’m not talking about your internet speed. I’m talking about corporate jargon in reference to one’s availability. Just the other day, I caught myself saying, “Hey Jenni, what’s your bandwidth for the rest of the day?”
Jenni should have slapped me with a iron scimitar. The corporate speak bug has infected me.
Bae
Example: Instagram photo caption: “Me and my bae on a date night at Olive Garden. #lovehim”
“Bae” is typically used in reference to a significant other, whether it be a boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, husband, etc. It’s often used interchangeably with “baby” or “babe” or “sweetie,” etc.
But let’s get real here. According to the Urban Dictionary, “bae” is the Danish word for poop. So, yeah, you just told everyone on Instagram that you love hanging out with your turd.
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I could go on for days about annoying words.
But I’ll save more until next time.
Any of the above annoy you as much as they annoy me? Or do you have your own (least) favorite annoying/stupid word?
