Have you ever heard the phrase, “Let him down easy”? There is absolutely nothing easy when it comes to breaking up with someone. The fact is: it is going to hurt, regardless of how gentle and compassionate you try to be towards them. There is unquestionably nothing you can do about their broken heart. Breaking up gently will help in making sure your partner will not be angry, thus, not ending things on a sour note. Here are the top five ways to “let them down easy.”
- Picture yourself in their shoes.
– The more you can understand their feelings, even if you’ve fallen out of love, the easier it will be to convey your words in a more caring and sensitive fashion. Some people just don’t care enough about being empathetic towards others. If breaking up with someone is an easy thing for you to do and you throw them cliché phrases, then you probably are not putting yourself in their shoes, and that is not fair to your partner.
- Break up face to face and do it PRIVATELY.
– Too many people use email and texting to do their dirty work, which is extremely insensitive and unfair. The best way to understand how someone is feeling, you must face them to talk. Most people assume that they are being gentle by breaking up through a text message, but that is actually worse. Not to mention, unbelievably cowardly, as well. Breaking up with someone in a public place is highly disrespectful and rude. Your partner will want to be in the comforts of their own space to let it all out after you leave. That’s not possible for them to do if they’re waiting on a salad they ordered, but no longer wish to eat when all they can think about is how hurt they feel. Insecurity tends to take over immediately. This is advice you’ll find everywhere. Online, through friends, family, in magazines, etc.
- Timing is everything.
– Breaking up with someone who cares about you more than anything when they’re about to walk into an interview for a job they really want, or after a family member passes away, are not appropriate times to break things off with them. Before class starts is another example of an inappropriate time. Best wait till the weekend when they’ll have time to cry, process, and accept it. Although it’s never a good time to break it off with somebody, there are better times than others. When you think about what you want to say, try to make accommodations for timing. Think about where she’s at in her life. If she’s in a bad place already and going through a difficult time, try to wait it out.
- Offer your friendship, so she knows you still care.
– When a relationship ends, realize that it isn’t just those people in the relationship who are hurting. What if your partner grew close with your friends, parents or siblings? If they feel they cannot talk to you anymore, they will feel like they lost more than one relationship, as it would be uncomfortable for them to keep in touch with anybody close to you. Offering friendship when they are ready will help decrease those awkward feelings and discomfort. Not only will it show that person you still care about them and want them in your life, but it already gives them the green light to keep the same friends they’ve made since the beginning of the relationship.
- Don’t put them on the defensive.
– This happens to married people more often than those in a relationship. Even if you’ve just got married, listen to their response and only use statements beginning with “I” and never with “you.” Not many people pay attention to this and it will normally be overlooked and as a result, both you and your partner will become defensive. Notice the difference in the examples below:
Expressive Language
“I feel hurt when spoken to like a child.”
Defensive Language
“You always talk to me like I’m a child.”
One expresses feelings which helps get to the bottom of the problem, where the other one shoots blame onto the other person. What’s sad is that not many of us even realize we do this, but you can expect it from your partner when breaking up. Even if they put you on the defensive, be understanding about it, because chances are, they don’t mean it and are speaking out of hurt. You can find more here.
Be mindful. Be compassionate. Be confident, but kind.
