5 Reasons Nobody Will Read This Blog Post

I've been doing a little research lately on the whole search engine optimization thing, and I now understand what I've been doing wrong, and why nobody will read this post. Here's what I learned:
1.  Nobody will read this post because they can't find it.  This blog has a 0 google pagerank, whatever that is.  It only gets 2,000 hits a month, which I guess equals zero in the world of 10,000 hit a day blogs.  (Yeah, I know, the logarithm is way more complicated than hits. I also rank low in other ways.)
2.  Even though this post follows the advice of the blogging experts and has a number in it, this is the only list post on my blog.  Terrible of me, really.  List posts are click magnets, they tell me. Since I haven't built up my readership and my pagerank with previous list posts, nobody will find this one.  I have written a couple of list posts for other sites, but I like to stick to more traditional forms of writing for my own blog.
3. My titles suck.  Never mind that I haven't been paying attention to keywords for search engines to find me, I haven't even made it easy for humans to find me.  I've been writing blog posts like chapters in a book, with quirky, interesting titles which (I hope) peak curiosity.  But the internet is not a book, and people aren't flipping through the pages and stumbling upon titles (even if they're using stumble upon). They are searching for topics they're interested in, and even if my post is on  that topic, if the title doesn't reflect that, how will they know to click on it ?  Duh.  After blogging for over a year I've just come to this realization.  I suck at all things computer.  But I'm re-writing my blog titles, so let's see if that helps.
4.  I haven't written an e-book with which to lure you onto my subscriber list.  People seem to have a lot of success with these things, but most of the e-books I've read are complete crap.  The travel ones, in particular of full of such "useful tips" like "Don't eat in a tourist destination. Eat where the locals eat", and other words of wisdom anyone who's even thought about travel already knows.  Or I could give you "Free!  Download my favorite travel photos!  Which you could also see on my website!"  But I don't.  So I don't give "value" to my readers.
5. People aren't linking to me. Maybe it's because I make fun of their e-books?  No, this is the first time I've done that.  People aren't linking because I haven't been active enough in forums, and haven't commented on enough of their blogs.  Not only that, I haven't replied to every single comment on my blog, and that's rule 1.
 I recently read a post on increasing traffic which suggested I could get 100 comments on a single post on my blog.  All I had to do is comment on 100 blogs, and then when half of them return the favor by commenting on mine (an overestimation, from my experience) I reply to their 50 comments and that makes 100!  And I should be able to do all of this in one hour!  That's right, find 100 blogs I have something to say about, say it, and respond to the response.  Guess I just don't read and write fast enough.
Now that I'm getting notification of every comment though, I can at least respond to real comments. But sometimes I just don't have anything to say.  How many times do you want to read "Thanks for stopping by" or "Thanks for your comment" at the end of every post?  When you comment on a post, do you check back later to see if you were thanked for it?  I don't.  I know I'm tired of reading these semi-automated replies on other blogs, so I'm not putting them on mine. So sue me.
So there you have it.  If you want a successful blog, do not follow my example.
But if you are reading this, thanks for stopping by!  And please leave a comment!
P.S.    Sorry about the broken links that may be suggested below.  My attempt to improve the organization of some posts has created a new problem.  The Linkedwithin folks say they're on it and it'll be fixed soon.