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1. Make sure your in labor.
Your sat there scoffing your face, happily Facebooking with Jezza on, when gush-flood- SHIT. So you waddle off to hospital with your newly disgusted partner, only to find your waters are intact, you just pissed yourself. Not only do you now not know if the spotty limpdick was the dad on Jezza, but hubby calls you pissyarse from here on.
2. Pack your bag properly.
So many mums pack for baby. Screw that, the hospital has blankets. Pack your iron and your washing. The irons a weapon in labour, and after on the ward when all the other brats are crying you can use the bedside table to iron your clothes. Saves on washing too.
3. Take food.
Hospital food defies gravity to make you leave and free the bed. Unless you plan to bbq the placenta, take food and as noisy as possible. Crunchy, rustly food works best so when the brats on your ward all go to sleep you can wake them all up again.
4. Drugs.
As soon as your test is positive call ahead and reserve drugs. Google good drugs and name them. If they tell you in labor you dont need them tell them to fuck off. Tell them you googled the pharmacy on site, you know where it is and what they stock. And scream.
5. Location.
Make sure the labor ward is where you left it on your last scan. They like to relocate and keep it a secret. Plan ahead and take a midwife with you when you pace in the corridor or its a baby in the canteen for you.
Follow these tips for a fun labour
