4 Week Update

My sweet gal is four weeks old today. It's also mine and Dannys ten year anniversary and Valentine's Day.
 A couple months ago I ordered this red tutu for Maddy with leggins and a hairbow. It was a Valentine's Day outfit that I couldn't wait to put on her and show her off. That didn't exactly happen. 
Yesterday I actually walked down four steps with my cane, drove to Moms, walked up two stairs, picked out some clothes for The funeral home (Dannys grandmother passed and we needed to go see her) came back home, showered and got ready and went to the funeral home with all 5 kids. It was the first time out of the house for me or Maddy that wasn't a Dr visit. Afterwards we went to eat with Mom and Dad. Before we got home I had to take one of my strong pain pills. Motrin wasn't going to fix that pain. I totally over done it. I want so bad to be able to do those things but I simply can't. Today we slept most of the day. 
So here's the four week update. I can now get in and out of the shower by myself if I step in and out sideways. I can't bend and shave below my knees. It takes me a long time to dress because I have to sit to accomplish that. I can stand and wash dishes, fix simple meals and laundry. Danny got me a claw type thing so if I drop something I can pick it up instead of waiting for someone to come along and get it for me. It's a nice little piece of independence I missed. I can walk without my walker. Not much. I get really tired quick when using it or my cane. I don't hurt most of the time. I just have weird sensation in pelvic area that sometimes are unnerving. I'm so scared I will reinjur myself even though I've been assured that nothing in ordinary life can mimic the trauma of labor and  that its just a matter of letting soft tissue heal now.........but regurdless......I'm scared to death to move. 
I can also walk some with Maddy but very slowly and very few steps. Her added weight does make it harder to balance. 
So, that's it. Four weeks and still counting.  I wish I had a timeline to follow. I wish I could circle a date on the calender and know that was the day I can shower and get the kids ready, pack a diaper bag, carry the car seat and Maddy to the van and take the kids to the park.  I wish someone could tell me how long it takes ligaments to tighten back up and heal. The list of things I can do is short but I still try to focus on that instead of what I can't do. It's hard. Danny needs to return to work but I'm scared to death to be alone with all the kids.  I want him to be able to work in the day and be home at night but we just can't survive that way. 
I hope Valentines Day found you all safe, sound, warm and loved.