With spring allegedly on its way, you’ve probably noticed a lot of your friends and frenemies have been bragging about the awesome spring break they have planned. If you can’t make it to Miami, Cabo, or Cancun, don’t feel too bad, because getting herpes and spending a night in Mexican jail probably isn’t everything it’s cracked up to be. If you’re spending your spring break locally, here are 21 reasons staying home for spring break isn’t so bad:
1. You don’t have to bear the burden of being the only tan/sunburned person in a five-mile radius when you get back in town.
2. You don’t have to talk yourself into thinking that using a beer bong has ever been or ever will be a good decision you won’t regret.
3. The only wet t-shirt contest you have to worry about is when you get a little too aggressive when trying to recreate the face washing that happens in Neutrogena commercials.
You won’t be smiling for long.
4. You won’t have to expose the fact that you can’t dance in broad daylight. Some of us prefer doing The Lighthouse in a dimly lit club to twerking on the beach.
5. If you’re still working off any lingering Thanksgiving turkey, gingerbread men, or Valentine’s Day candy, you have until Memorial Day to get it together.
6. You can save more of your time off at work for the hangovers you didn’t anticipate, the headaches you don’t have, and the family emergency that doesn’t exist.
7. You can save all that money you’d spend on airfare, gas, or a hotel and put it all towards drinking locally (which means you’ll also be supporting the local community!).
8. You could easily channel Animal House and have a house party. Blacking out at home is so much more convenient, anyway.
9. If you live somewhere where spring doesn’t start until May/June, you don’t have to experience the combination of horror and disappointment that comes of returning to 30-degree temperatures.
10. You’ll spare your friends/family members/coworkers the effort of hating you for your exposure to the sun, the beach, and the enviable 80-degree weather you enjoyed.
11. You won’t feel pressured to top anything that happened in the movie Spring Breakers. …But no judgment if you’d still like to get one of those unicorn ski masks.
12. For the ladies, you have a little more time to come up with a good lie to tell your pedicurist to explain how your toes got to the state they’re currently in. Just claim you forgot that painting black polish over red is a bad idea…
13. If your spring break becomes a disaster or takes a turn for the worst, at least your best friends, regular physician, and favorite walk-of-shame Walgreens are nearby.
14. The only sand you’ll contend with is the ampersand you hit instead of the “@” symbol when you were sending a tweet from your iPhone.
15. Those rumors your heard about Mexican jail will stay rumors you heard about Mexican jail.
16. The state of your body hair will remain a secret for a little while longer.
17. You’ll be spared the dilemma of determining which of your friends/family members/neighbors you’re the most comfortable with rifling through all of your belongings in between caring for your pets and collecting your junk mail.
18. You won’t have to owe anyone a huge favor because he or she drove you to the airport (i.e. you won’t live your life in fear that the weekend will come when you’ll have to help move someone into a fourth floor apartment with no elevator).
19. When you’re not on vacation, it always seems easier to remember that multiple tequila shots are always a mistake.
20. You could always just curl up with a good book and not drink excessively?
21. Why deal with this:
When you can have this:
How are you/did you spend your spring break? Would you rather be in Cancun right now?
