Waking up at 2am as a new parent is no surprise. In fact it's a very common facet of parenthood. However, the early hours of January 14th 2013 was very different.
With the threat of snow bearing down on the residents of London, Boom-Boom began to stir around 2am as expects. Bleary eyed, Mrs.B pulled him out of his bassinet as his wailing grew louder. Like a Lioness pouncing on a fawn, he latched on and fed like there was no tomorrow. Mrs.B and I sat back half dazed and waited for Boom-Boom to finish. A long, wet fart raised an eyebrow and I asked;'Was that you or him?'
She confirmed it was the baby. Silence dawned only to be interrupted by another wet fart, a longer one. Then another.
'I hope his diaper's on tight.' I mumbled.
Mrs.B slipped her hand up his baby sack and felt the warm moisture.
'It's leaked out.' She grumbled. 'it's all over his clothes.'
Boom-Boom continued to suck unconcerned about his manure when yet another long wet fart followed.
'Shit!' I snapped ironically wide awake now.
Mrs.B and I looked at one another when she said;
'I need to pee, badly.'
Like Keanu Reeves in Speed, I could hear the voice of Dennis Hopper echo through my cranium;
'Pop-quiz hot shot. It's 2 am and Baby is desperate to feed and will scream without; he's pooped all over his diaper and its running up his back; your wife is dying to pee and your brother and parents are fast asleep. What, do, you do?'We rushed in to the bathroom with him latched on to my wife, undressed him over the sink while he continued to feed while I simultaneously began to clean him with warm water. A box of wax sat on the sink as someone had forgotten to put it away and Boom-Boom hovered inches away from the open lid. With enough of a fix to sustain him for a minute, Mrs.B relived herself as the baby lay flat with his tummy on my hand while I continued to douse him.
'Where's the towel? We need a towel.' I barked.
Mrs.B rushed out of the bathroom and grabbed a change of clothes and a towel. Boom-Boom's fix was wearing off as he began to stir. Wrapped in a towel he's passed to Mrs.B when his rush is over causing a blood-curdling cry. Mrs.B quickly let's him latch for another fix as we start to dress him.'Shit.' Mrs.B whispers. 'He's got body-wax in his hair!'
To top it off, today is Boom-Boom's one month birthday!
Marriage Tip No. 58: Once you're a parent, timing takes on a whole new meaning!
Welcome to our Son's BIrthday!
