SPOILER ALERT!
You heard it here first. If you’re anti-spoiler, like my friend who got mad at me for ruining the ending to The Great Gatsby—nearly a century old—then you may hate this post.
If, on the other hand, you dive head first into the world of spoilers, then this post is just for you.
The catch here is that these spoilers are only one sentence long—so as not to give away great detail while helping you get the “essence” of the novel’s plot.
Also, these are mostly famous books, so hopefully you’ve read most of them anyway.
Let’s go.
The Grapes Of Wrath: Poor farmers lose their farm and move west in search of oranges, end up breastfeeding grown men.
Infinite Jest: Mold and tennis and drugs and other drugs.
Moby Dick: Worst fishing trip ever.
Blood Meridian: White people kill white people—and Native Americans, lots of them.
Death Comes To The Archbishop: The archbishop dies.
The Great Gatsby: A creepy rich guy throws large parties, stalks his ex-girlfriend, kills himself.
1984: See 2014.
Never Let Me Go: Horrible people in the horrible future breed little kids to harvest their organs—and you thought Big Brother sucked.
The Lord of the Rings: Remember when you used to toss a dime into the fountain at the mall? It’s like that, but there’s a gold ring and hot lava and a really big mountain.
An American Tragedy: Poor boy likes poor girl but likes rich girl better so he throws poor girl over the side of a boat.
Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret: Margaret gets the bronze medal in the four-girl race to see who gets their first period, and, oh yeah, they talk about God.
To Kill A Mockingbird: Atticus Finch saves entire town from racist mob, and the world rejoices and proclaims Atticus as the best lawyer and best father in the history of lawyers and fathers.
I, Claudius: Everyone dies by poisoned wine or getting stabbed in the back, except for Claudius—also, Caligula wages war on the sea.
Mrs. Dalloway. There’s a suicide and a party.
The Catcher in the Rye: Holden Caulifield gets kicked out of school, decides he hates everyone, goes on a trip to New York, curses a lot.
So there you go.
I just ruined 15 books for you. Send all your hate mail to…
