Valentine’s Day is here, and we all know what that means. Time to hide under our covers and hate the whole world because no one is happy and none of us are getting laid! Woohoo — best holiday ever. So ,for all you people who hate Valentine’s Day out there, we put together a little anti-romance list just for you.
1. Too Drunk to Fuck – The Dead Kennedys
This is the least romantic song of all time. It’s gross, awful and degrading to both parties — a true masterwork.
2. Suck My Left One – Bikini Kill
No joke here, just a plea to not be a dick this V-day and respect the women in your life.
3. I Touch Myself – Divinyls
Back to jokes now! I bet you do you sad, lonely sucker. I bet you do.
4. Romance is Boring – Los Campesinos!
So are dinner dates. They are also super boring.
5. Christine’s Tune – The Flying Burrito Brothers
Fact: she is not sleeping with you because she’s the devil, not because it’s her body and she can say and do what she wants with it. That said, country music is clinically proven to be the best for hating love and Valentine’s Day. Ask your doctor about it today!
6. Anthrax – Gang Of Four
If we take this metaphor of love being like anthrax literally, that means that love gives you a horrible fever, blisters and ultimately kills you. So… yeah, sounds about right.
7. Lover I Don’t Have to Love – Bright Eyes
Next time someone says “I like your shoes,” you can take that as code for “sure, I guess I’ll have emotion-free casual sex with you.”
8. Ego Free, Sex Free – Autre Ne Veut
I honestly just put this in because the title says “sex free.” And lets be real, if you’re hating on Valentine’s Day right now, it means you are absolutely sex free.
9. Drunk Girls – LCD Soundsystem
Go out to the bars this Friday. I dare you.
10. Tired of Sex – Weezer
With all that sex that you are (not) having, don’t you think you should focus more on finding love? Why can’t you find love? What’s your problem anyway?
11. I Let Love In – Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
Nick Cave has taken great care to warn you of all the horrible things that can befall you if you fall in love, including but not limited to: despair, deception and murder.
12. A Crime – Sharon Van Etten
You know what you should do this Valentine’s Day? Get drunk and call your ex. You can thank The Wild Honey Pie, Best Life Coach Ever the next morning.
13. Fuck and Run – Liz Phair
With or without your best intentions… it just always happens.
14. Not in Love – Twin Shadow
Just.Like.You.
