Emotional abuse. It’s insidious how it creeps into your life. Often veiled in another way, its can be unrecognable at first, until its too late. Its one of those things that at first glance, feels innocuous. But anyone who has been a victim, it’s destructive – emotionally, verbally, physically, mentally, and psychologically. Emotional abuse is often the gateway to future physical violence.
“Emotional abuse includes verbal abuse such as yelling, name-calling, blaming, and shaming. Isolation, intimidation, and controlling behavior also fall under emotional abuse. Abusers who use emotional or psychological abuse often throw in threats of physical violence or other repercussions if you don’t do what they want.” (Smith & Segal).
In the beginning it is not uncommon for a victim to passively ignore some of the snide comments and put downs. They occur sporadically and are often “peppered” with acts of kindness – leaving the victim feeling confused and unsure. Forgiveness and oversights are common. However, over time the road narrows between the acts of kindness and emotional and verbal abuse begins to narrow. For all who have been there, will agree.
Emotional abuse simply “chips away” at how we think, value, and esteem ourselves. Until one day you wake up and have no idea how you got there, asking yourself, “how did that happen?”
But let me make it clear. You have done nothing wrong. Abusers are just that good.
I can deeply empathize with a victim of abuse in many ways. As a therapist, its very painful to watch, to experience, to sit across from, and to absorb. As a woman, these same feelings and experiences were once part of my life. My depth of understanding reaches far. And of course, it breaks my heart.
Instinctively I want to protect them from further harm and tell them to run. But unfortuntely it is not that simple, though I wish it were. And like me, they have their own journey. My hope is through therapy and personal introspection, they take the necessary steps to extricate themselves from their abusive and unhealthy relationship. Just like I did.
12 Signs of Emotional Abuse
- Putting you down – especially in public in an attempt to shame you.
- Embarrassing you in public.
- Blaming you for their abusive and unhealthy behaviors.
- Threatening to harm you or your family. Often.
- Calling you deragatory names.
- Making you feel bad or guilty when you don’t consent to sexual activity.
- Using gaslighting to make you feel like you are doing something wrong or your behaviors are wrong. Making you feel like you are going crazy. Lying about things they said.
- Making you feel like you are always doing something wrong.
- Isolating you from your family and friends.
- Making demands on you when you do go out through numerous texts and phone calls.
- Stalking you.
- Threatening suicide when you attempt to break up with them.
Helpful links:
Domestic Violence and Abuse.
