It’s about halfway through festival season, and some really big ones are still coming up. We’ve learned some valuable lessons from the first bunch, though, and decided to impart some of our hard earned knowledge. Next time, you’ll be ready for anything!
1. Granola Bars
Eating at a festival is hard — there’s either a bunch of delicious food that’s so expensive you may not be able to pay rent next month, or there’s nothing at all. On top of that, did you really spend the money to get into the festival just to spend more money to eat at the festival? No, you most certainly did not. So bring in a granola bar! It’s delicious, nutritious, and will make the booze go down much easier.
2. Rain Boots
There could be rain, and if there’s rain, there’s mud. So bring some rain boots! Lets say there isn’t rain though, and you’re the asshole kickin’ it in hardcore rain boots. Well, good thing you brought them, cause now you don’t need to worry about stepping in human pee, or whatever gross thing is over there. What is in the grass over there? You know what, it’s probably better if you don’t know.
3. Weed
It might be sad, but most people go to festivals because they like the idea of spending a weekend on mind altering substances while being in the general vicinity of music they kinda, sorta like. So, without the most basic of all these substances, why even bother?
4. Whiskey in a Convenient Flask
Do you want to know how much I spent on whiskey at the first festival I went to this year? Absolutely nothing, because I brought a convenient flask! It was great — I whipped that baby out and started drinking some great top-shelf rye around 2pm. Seriously, everyone was jealous, and I didn’t even have to share (because I don’t bring any people who don’t use convenient flasks).
5. Your Family Crest
We recommend bringing something to hold up so your friends can see you in the crowd. Otherwise, you’ll just be the person that texts their friends, “Hey, I’m in front of the guy holding the giant cut out of Jesse Ventura’s head.” The best and smartest thing to bring, though, is your family’s crest! There’s a crying emo kid holding a bottle of jack and a bag of Doritos on the Angst family crest, so all my friends can easily find me. That’s thinking ahead.
6. Inflatable Chair from the 90s
Screw sitting down on a fold out chair or, horror of horrors, the ground. Sit down on that awesome, plastic inflatable arm chair you won in your dentist’s office raffle. It’s comfortable and compact!
7. Neon Fanny Pack
You’ll want to be on the style blogs the next day, and there’s only one way to do that — neon. The people who take pictures of people at festivals always take pictures of people wearing neon. Because you brought all those granola bars, weed, a convenient flask and that inflatable chair, you really need something to hold it in. So, kill two birds with one stone and get your fanny pack on!
8. Probably More Weed
With all the sharing, you probably didn’t bring enough. You need some more.
9. A Portable Cell Tower
You’ve wandered off, maybe to get food, maybe to see a different band, maybe cause you had a little too much of something, but now you can’t find your friends. There’s also no service because literally every person has the same phone as you. This is the time to pull out your portable cell tower. Sure, it’s bulky, but you can tell all your friends that you’re standing under your family’s crest at the Azelia Banks show and they’ll surely get the text.
10. Your Sense of Shame
Sure, festivals are all fun and games until someone strips down to their underwear and falls asleep in the mud. No matter how much fun you’re having, or how good the music is, always remember that there are other people around you (lots of other people), and a lot of them have camera phones. Bringing a healthy sense of shame to a festival will help you have a good, safe time and ensure that you don’t end up as a joke on reddit. No one wants to be that person.
