Every moment in life deserves a soundtrack. Some moments, like, say, getting so drunk you throw up everywhere, just have a more specific set of criteria. The songs need to capture the vulnerability, violence, and overall sweatiness of the experience. With that in mind, move your stereo next to the toilet and raise your glass. These are the top 10 songs to drunkenly vomit to.
King Khan and the Shrines – Land of the Freak
King Khan and the Shrines’ 2007 track ‘Land of the Freak’ defines what it is to be a good song to drunkenly vomit to: it’s pure sweaty, intense cacophony. It’s James Brown by way of a gallon of tequila. And as King Khan growls and spits over a crazy horn section, you can take comfort in the fact that there are plenty of people out there who are worse off. After all, you’re in the land of the freak. Surely there’s someone more grotesque than your vomit-stained self.
Ty Segall – Girlfriend
‘Girlfriend’ is the song to play when you’re done with a long night of drunken arguing with your significant other. Segall channels Marc Bolan with hand claps and a chugging guitar line, but adds a heavy dose of fuzz and sing-song brattiness for good measure. When you’re hugging the toilet as your girlfriend screams at you from the other room, you’ll know Segall is taking your side. Even though she’s probably right.
Kendrick Lamar – Swimming Pools
Feeling a little guilty about your drunken antics? Kendrick Lamar is here to really drive that feeling home. Beside the chorus reminding you just how much you actually drank (a swimming pool full, in case you were wondering), you can meditate on Lamar’s history of family alcoholism and peer pressure. Or just lay there wishing you shared his nasally conscience, since it seemed to protect him from the same fate as you.
Future Islands – The Great Fire
If you want to inject your projectile vomiting with a sense of romantic melodrama, you can’t do much better than Future Islands’ “The Great Fire.” The song is almost reminiscent of a Meatloaf duet, but lead vocalist Samuel Herring sings like his throat has been eaten away by cigarettes and whiskey. This is the perfect track to play when you’re storming off into the night to win her back, only to get lost in some cul-de-sac, ending up in a puddle of puke on a nice old couple’s lawn.
Jay Reatard – It’s So Useless
Really, any song from Jay Reatard’s massive discography would work here, but ‘It’s So Useless’ applies you’re caught in the throes of self-pity. And isn’t that what drinking until you puke is all about? Reatard may have passed away in 2010 from cocaine toxicity, but you can carry on his troubled, hard-partying legacy for him. Rest in peace, Jay. We’ve got this one covered.
Destroyer – Downtown
Destroyer’s “Downtown” is an auditory dark night of the soul. Over heavily reverbed guitars and a plaintive saxophone (saxophone!), Dan Bejar sings wistfully, as though he barely has the will to get the lyrics out of his mouth. The track evokes being absolutely sopping wet in the rain while you argue with a bouncer who says you’re too drunk to go inside his bar. So instead you try to tell your story to a nice couple who is smoking under the awning, but mid-sentence you belch up a mouthful of yak onto the man’s suede coat. Don’t feel bad, though. That dude shouldn’t have been wearing suede in the rain to begin with.
Thee Oh Sees – Contraption
In ‘Contraption,’ Thee Oh Sees are letting you know that they understand how sick and disoriented you feel. Moaning from intense nausea? So is lead singer John Dwyer. Guitar lines sloppily fade in and out, and sonic textures pile on top of each other just to get onto the track, much in the same way the forty types of liquor you drank are piling their way out of your esophagus.
Tom Waits – Tango ‘Til They’re Sore
There’s no one better to serenade you through your time of plight than jazzy, libertine hobo-king Tom Waits. Whatever dark hole you may have found yourself in, you can bet Waits crawled his way out of some darker one. Plus this song serves as a growling reminder to have fun even in the face of certain death. If you can fall out of a window with confetti in your hair (festive!), surely you can blow a party horn between mouthfuls of vomit.
Ariel Pink’s Haunted Graffiti – House Arrest
If you still see drinking as a transgressive act of rebellion, then you’re probably a teenager, and this song is probably for you. The track starts with Pink’s father leaving him an angry phone message, which he blows off with a sarcastic, “I’m so sorry dad.” The song quickly falls apart into a loopy, goofy mess. Just like you! It serves as a reminder that even though you may have hit rock bottom, parents are still the worst.
Leonard Cohen – Hallelujah
This one only applies if you feel the need to reappropriate one of the most overused (and greatest) songs of all time. If this song usually makes you think of that one part in Shrek when everyone is sad, just throw it on the next time you get a case of the spins. Now when you hear Cohen start to croon, you can look back and laugh about that one time you got too drunk and threw up in your bed. A definite improvement.
