Movie Review: Spring Breakers

   STARRING: Selena Gomez, Vanessa Hudgens, Ashley Benson, Rachel Korine, James Franco, Gucci Mane, Heather Morris.

  WRITTEN BY: An Idiot

 DIRECTED BY: Someone high on cocaine

Terrible film. Three interchangeable girls (Hudgens/Benson/Korine) with zero personality take their Christian friend (Gomez) on Spring Break. In order to do this, they rob a fast food restaurant. Then they get down in Florida on Spring Break, and get arrested. Then a white Eminem wannabe (James Franco) busts them out of jail, they fall in love, Christian Girl goes home, one of them gets shot, and the remaining two decide a shootout is the next option.

The film is edited by someone who was clearly high on meth. It jumps around, dialog is heard in odd places, scenes are placed randomly. Sometimes you’re in the present, then the past, then the future, then back to the past, and then the present again. The three girls who aren’t Selena Gomez are interchangeable, and have no independent backstories or personalities. Considering they are the three main characters in the film, and they all are basically the same person, it’s a super shittastic script. The only reason I’m not giving this film an F, is I was actually kind of mesmerized by James Franco’s performance. It might be one of his best performances to date, as he completely embodies the nastiness of his character. He’s totally believable, in his silly cornrows, with his ugly gold teeth, as a complete loser who has dreams of being just like Scarface. Be careful what you wish for.

The director hopes you’re high while watching the film, and edits the film in such a way that you could only enjoy it if you’re on a bad trip. Neon colors bounce off the screen, breasts flap around freely, and Vanessa Hudgens and Selena Gomez make sure that Disney will never ask them to do anything ever again. But, honestly? The characters are stupid, the plot is non-existant, and the direction is awful. Just like the three main characters, this film is empty and soulless. Yet, I’d almost recommend watching this trash just to see James Franco. Almost.

FINAL GRADE: D