Diaries Magazine

FFS!? Friday : School's Back

By Parentalparody @parental_parody
The Twin Tornado finally started school this week. No FFS!? On their very first day we got the red note.  The red card of classrooms.... "A child in your class has been found with head lice..." It's the first day of the first year of these kids' schooling. FFS!?
There were only 4 other kids there, on account of the staggered phasing-in!
(Which is, in itself, a massive FFS!?  But I'll whine further about that in a second).
If it wasn't the Twin Tornado, then how the hell did I have the bad luck to end up in a class that is 20% my own children, and still has head lice on the very first day of term - a day that lasted for all of 2.5hrs? FFS!? 

FFS!? Friday : School's back

I hear it's a lot like fruit picking
Image Credit


Despite the lice thing, I was all WOOHOO about the Twin Tornado finally starting school, picturing myself swanning around shopping centres, flat white in hand, not a care in the world... Then I actually read their welcome letter (and remembered Miss7's first year of school), and of course the first 2 weeks are phased in at 2.5hrs on each of their designated days. FFS!? No sooner have I arrived at the crack of dawn in order to grab one of the few parking sports, then I have to return to pick up the Twin Tornado. FFS!? And return soon after to pick up Miss7. FFS!? I've been having a virtual meltdown all week, clock-watching and panicking that I'm going to be late to pick up 1, 2 or all 3 of them. FFS!?
Also, I'm suffering lunch block.  Already.  In the first week.  FFS!?
I am out of care factor ideas on what to pack in their lunch boxes already. FFS!? Only now that school has started does Mstr4 decide he likes to drop the F-bomb. FFS!? My sweet little mama's boy suddenly likes to exclaim "FFS" when frustrated, and drop an insightful and matter-of-fact "that's fugall Mum!" at highly appropriate times when I'm about to lose my shit over something minor.  FFS!? Yeah it's 'fugall' to me, but you know that, sure as shit, the teacher who's seasoned at interpreting toddler, will know in an instant that he's really saying 'fuck all'. FFS!? No clue where he picked up that language...ahem and FFS!?
And my own personal FFS!? about finally having offloaded all my kids to free daycare be educated?
After working from home (as in my paid writing job, not this delightfully witty repartee that I philanthropically gift my mother and that person in Russia the people of the internet) for the past 18 months, attempting to concentrate and put together somewhat witty and informative pieces while drowning out swearing, screaming, squealing kids....this week my job ended.  FFS!?
My sarcasm is now completely uninterrupted, unchallenged and available if anyone is interested. FFS!?

FFS!? Friday : School's back

It's been one of those weeks
Image Credit


I'm not above applying for the rumoured Aussie version of "The Real Housewives of all the world".  I'm about as real as anyone they're otherwise considering.  I'm just not really prepared to get up early enough to do hair and make up, or clean my house that frequently and thoroughly (FFS!?).  Anyway I can't whine any further about the return to school for 2013, because I'm sure I must be late to double park in an illegal stopping zone half on someone's fledgling lawn 15 minutes from the school in order to pick one, two or all three of them up. FFS!?

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