Bring It!: Selena’s Winning At Twinning With Her Makeover Madness. Wham Bam Getting Closer To Summer Slam.

Here’s hooty hoping we might actually make it through one whole recap without another weave joke.

Before Mama turns around and kills my vibe, how many of you lovelies wanna split a juice box?

Unless you’re hiding John Stamos back there, get this damn Full House sticker outta my face now.

You know I can’t hear nuthin with this thing on my head, right? You just keep on talking, lady.

What this Daddy’s gotta do is get go himself one of them dryer hats so I don’t have to listen to any of these woman.

For the last time, little man…I don’t work at Foot Locker and I’m not helping you find Jordans.

That. Was. Hilarious.

Which apologies to The Outer Limits, of course…

Attention People of Earth:

There is nothing wrong with your television set.

Do not attempt to adjust the picture.  We are controlling the transmission.  If we wish to make it louder, we will bring up the volume and pump up the jam.  If we wish to make it softer, we will tune it to a whisper, though that’ll probably never happen with all these crazy Mamas in the building.

We will control the horizontal.  We will control the vertical.  We will buck or die trying.

And most importantly, you are not seeing double.

Well, no.  Psych.  Actually you are.  Because it’s Star and Sky.

Or Sky and Star.  I forget.  I don’t think anyone really knows.
But either way, they are straight up adorbz.

So cute.  So funny.  And totally getting dem moves from their Mama and their Baby Daddy.

But let’s not get ahead of ourselves here.  Hold that thought.

Bring It! was back for another round of competitions this week, inching Dianna Williams and her Dancing Dolls closer and closer to the highly anticipated grand finale Summer Dance Slam Championship.

Side note:  I think I screwed up last week and forgot the ‘Dance’ part when I called it the Summer Slam Championship…which actually is a WWE Wrestling Throwdown, not a hip hop thingamajig.  Not that any of these DDPs couldn’t hold their own in a ring with Ryback or The Undertaker.  Trust me.  My Vegas money would absolutely be sitting on Tina.

I just want to make sure we’ve got the names right in case anyone is doing a book report on this when school starts in the Fall.

The More You Know, kids.

With only three days before the Buck To The Beat Competition, Miss D was already shaking things up again.  The Dolls would be competing in the Hip Hop Solo and Stand Battle categories, so a new face was taking over the solo spot this week.

Ladies and Gentlemen…Miss Ken’Janae and her sassy hat:

K’J (…I call her K’J cuz we’re tight and her name is a freakin’ autocorrectin’ spellcheck nightmare, yo…) has been with the Dolls for 2.5 years but never featured in a solo routine until now.  Best known for trio work and for chest pumping a male dancer right through the back of the Dollhouse and into the side of a dumpster (…“That all you got, Boyeee? That all you got?”…) K’J was understandably excited and yet nervous for her first solo.

This week, the Dolls would be going up against the Original Divas School Of Dance, the Pink Dazzling Diamonds, the Infamous Dancerettes and the Girls Who Can Name All The Guys In 5SOS But Don’t Recognize Their Own Cousins At A Wedding.

Flashback:  Yes.  THOSE Infamous Dancerettes.  John Connor was back in the hizzle.

Haters gonna hate hate hate.

Since K’J’s solo routine was going to utilize backup dancers in the intro before she hit the floor, Dianna brought in two special guests to help make sure it would be awesome.

Warning:  Some of you ladies may want to put down your sippy cups right now before you choke on them, because Cobe Williams just entered the building.

Dat’s rite.

Miss D’s baby boy was breaking it down in the front row like a true playground playa, busting a move to Dollhouse choreographer Tim Jone‘s routine like it was in his DNA.

Which it probably is, given his gene pool.

I mean, look at this little nugget in a photo that I totally lifted from Dianna’s page while I was creeping her online:

I dare you to try and take this dude’s milk money while 47 of his girlfriends are stampeding around the monkey bars, swinging Hello Kitty lunch boxes trying to protect their Boo.

#CobeIsBae.

And if you’re a female in the Jackson, MS area between the ages of 5 and 9…prepare to have your heart broken a few times at recess, cuz there’s only so much CDawg to go around.  Sorry, ladies.

It was during the intro rehearsal that Dianna began having some twin trouble.

She couldn’t tell Star and Sky apart, which drove Seloncé crazy back in the DDP/IKEA Lounge.  Granted, the entire team looked the same on that fuzzy monitor, but Seloncé knew better.  One is Star.  One is Sky.  Der.

After a quick group hustle to the front of the building for a better view (…so you finally get seats inside the building and now y’all running back outside every week? What?…) Seloncé announced her plan to take the Twins in for a salon makeover that would finally give them their own identities.  Silly Rabbit.  I don’t even remember what she said after that because all the crazy was drowning out her voice.

Love Seloncé.  To Infinity & Beyond.

This Week’s Captain’s Dance Your Pants Off Dance Off:  Crystianna vs. Makalah.  And it was Makalah for the Win.  If her energy’s as big as her eyes during competition, we good.

Psychic Prediction:  Camryn‘s time is coming soon.  Very soon.  And she will own it.

But right now was Makeover Time!

Heeeeeeeeey, Queen!  No lie.  That’s how the salon owner greeted Seloncé when she walked in with JJ and the Twins.  And that’s also how I think we should all be greeted from now on, anytime we enter a building anywhere in the world.

And how about that lady under the dryer back there who can’t believe a camera crew just walked into the salon and now her stylist is just standing there striking a pose instead of taking her rollers out.  Lawd have mercy, I’m on the TV.  Fix it, Geezis.

The next few hours were a combination of that scene in The Wizard of Oz where the Cowardly Lion got his mane teased out and what a imagine a Real Housewives of Atlanta weave snatch might look like in reverse.

Hair just kept getting attached and bigger and bigger and JJ kept getting Baby Daddy-er and Baby Daddy-er as the minutes passed.  Clearly, he was not a huge fan of anything that sped up the aging process on his baby girls, but he supported them like always.

Side note:  We’ll discuss all the amazing parental support on this show in a minute.

The next day during the Big Reveal, JJ introduced them as The Wonder Twins, which didn’t make any sense since on the cartoon show one is a Boy and one is a Girl.

But the girls ARE wonderful, even though nobody could tell them apart any better after the makeover.  So, yeah.  Wonder Twins.  This is one of them right here.

And then it was Prom Time!

Over at Casa Jones, Kayla and Tina and Daddy Terrell were all getting ready for Prom.

I swear.  All of ’em.  Cuz Mama and Daddy were going as chaperones to Kayla’s last high school prom.  E’rryone was primpin’.  And e’rrybody was at the house.

Tina’s Mama was even there, along with a bunch of other relatives all SnapChatting and iPhone-ing pictures like they were Jackson paparazzi.  There was even a tiny baby who was either a superhero or had his bib on backwards.  Check him out.

Side note:  If you Google ‘Family Love’…that right there is what you’ll see.

Kayla looked amazing.  Terrell looked like he just got ripped out of the Men’s Warehouse catalog.  And Tina was all FoxyMama, posing in front of that wide screen like she was giving it away on The Price Is Right.  Come on down!!!!

They clean up real nice.

And then it happened.  Terrell proposed!

I know, right?  Best.  Prom.  Ever.

Tina was all like…

And all shaking like…
And then it really happened.  After 20 years of waiting…he put a ring on it!
Congratulations!  Hope you like gift cards, cuz I’m too cheap to pay postage on a blender.

Finally, it was Showtime!  And time to meet Ken’Janae’s Mama Celest.

She is da bomb.  In her headshot confessional she kinda looked like the judge from that afternoon court show who keeps praying to Heaven that she doesn’t lose it and throw the actual book at the defendants.  I forget the name of it…it’s on before Ellen.

But when we met her in the bleachers you could totally tell she’s the one who laughs the loudest when she’s at those painting parties that serve unlimited wine and cheese and then expect you to replicate a floral centerpiece when you’re half in the bag.  Know what I’m talking about?  Do they even have those parties in Jackson?

I can totally see Mama Celest laughing so hard she spits her gum out.  Just like Mimi, who we have mad love for, BTW.

Did I already ask why this show isn’t two hours long?  Because I meant to.

I also meant to point out how perfect it is every week when you witness the support that everyone gives to everyone else, regardless of who’s dancing or winning or losing or getting cut and sitting on the floor.

Yeah.  Of course the Mamas support their own kid first and foremost.  Duh.  It’s called parenting for a reason.  But that doesn’t stop them from being cheerleaders for all the girls.  Dianna wouldn’t have it any other way.

Haters gonna hate, but Winners gonna win win win.

And look at this little peanut in the audience who just realized she has hands.  

For some reason, the Pink Team dropped out at the last minute, so through the luck of the draw (…and Hip Hop Math, which seems almost more confusing than Dance Moms Math…) the Dolls were automatically pushed into the final round of the competition while the Infamous Dancerettes and Original Divas would have to fight it out for their spot.

But first, it was the solos.

K’J killed it.  That’s all you need to know.

That and the fact that John was NOT happy when 47 Dancing Dolls and a 20 foot tall boom box came out to accompany their soloist.  Not happy at all.  If it’s a solo, why is the entire team out on the floor?

Needless to say, Dianna re-read the rules, tossed them in the air and shut him down.

Since this is Lifetime Television, the next scene was the contractually required hallway run-in scene that occurs in every episode of every show aired on this network.  Srsly.

Have you ever watched Dance Moms?  Every week.  Is there only one exit door in these buildings?  That can’t even be up to fire code.

Dianna and John went a few more rounds regarding who stole whose choreography and then Miss D shut him down for the second time in 9 minutes.  You don’t mess with someone who’s wearing prison stripes.  You just don’t.

Then it was the Dolls vs. Infamous Dancerettes in the Stand Battle.

It was a tight race.  The iD girls clearly had a little salsa on their gumbo, as Tina was quick to point out.  And they had a big girl who kept up just fine with the skinny ones.  I love Tina’s insights.  Why she hasn’t been contacted by the NFL called her for play-by-play yet is beyond me.

Look at how cute this young lady looks.

And how crazy this one looks.  But it’s always the good kind.  ♥♥♥♥

As soon as the Dolls hit the floor, Dianna could tell something was off.  She wasn’t sure what wassup with her girls, but something wasn’t right.

Whatever it was, in the end it cost them the First Place trophy, which John was more than happy to scoop up and take back to the iD bus.  Dolls came in Second, which is always a bummer.  But always a Learning Experience and a Teaching Moment.

Cuz that’s how Miss D do.

And how about we holla at my girl Ken’Janae for snatching First Place?

Not too shabby or your first time out there on your own.  You go, girl.

Another week closer to Summer Slam Dance Competition.

And Tina’s wedding.

DD4L!