How often do you put yourself, and your own needs, before that of others in your life? If you’re anything like me, the ratio is probably 80 per cent pleasing others and 20 per cent yourself. The irony is that you can never really fully please others. There is always something that’s going to be lacking; something that you could have done better and something you could have thought of that you didn’t.
The absolute best way to make sure that others in your life are happy, is to ensure that you are happy first.
This may sound strange, like an oxymoron. And it is, in a way. It’s harder to do this. It’s harder to make sure you are taking care of your own wellbeing first, before you consider others and what they may make of your actions. The reason it is harder is because it often creates friction. It’s usually easier just to give in, or to make sure that everyone else is getting what they need. Then you can worry about yourself, right? Wrong. When you put others before yourself, you are essentially giving away your own power. This does not a happy girl make.
When you are unhappy, or not getting what you need, or both, life lacks luster. It becomes a chore. It goes against the goals of human nature. We all want something better – we want to lead better lives, we want to grow, we want to know that something amazing is around the corner. That is a beautiful thing, and something we should never lose. When we start to put others’ needs before our own, it can become a very slippery slope.
I have recently started a new phenomenon for myself. I said to myself that I would always put me first – not in the way that I wouldn’t rescue someone in their hour of need – but that in my general life, I would make sure that I was getting all of the essential ingredients that I needed in order to make myself happy and well, before I started to consider how I could make others around me happy too.
Since doing that, I have found myself more able to consider others. I have put aside my own feelings, my own needs, and have really started to consider how the closest people in my life feel. Not that I didn’t do that before, but I have begun to feel it on a deeper level. The reason I have been able to do this, is because I know now that I have my own absolute needs met. When you can feel happy in your own skin, with the knowledge that you are getting everything that you need to keep the balls in the air flying high and not only that, but your own sanity fully intact with a few sparkles falling out at the sides, you create a sort of space. That space can be given to the people that are closest to you, and mean the most to you, in your life.
It can be hard to put your foot down for what you stand for and believe in. Trust me, I know. As a people-pleaser from way back, I know how hard it can be to put yourself first. But the rewards are well and truly worth it.
Not only will you reap the benefits, but so will those closest to you. You become not only far more open and thoughtful as to others’ needs, but also fulfilled and happier within yourself.
Here’s a few ways that you can get started on the journey of putting yourself first, to create a better life for yourself and your beautiful loved ones:
First, consider what you need to feel fulfilled.
This is the hardest part, because if you’re unsure of what your needs are, there is nothing on this planet that can help you. If you’re still unsure after considering it, it’s time to start trying out some new things. How about yoga, or a sports class, or siphoning yourself some time for meditation in the park or at the beach? The trick is to really give yourself some uninterrupted time to zone out. The answer will come.
Halt the negative chatter.
If you’re like most of us, you have a constant little monkey in your mind that is doubting, relaying the day, wondering what’s next, and worrying about the past, present and future. Give yourself some space from it. The only real way to do this, that I’ve found, is through ‘flow’. This can be found in a task that you become completely and unobtrusively involved in – such as playing the piano, or writing something, or artwork – just anything where you don’t feel the time passing. If you don’t have anything, yoga and meditation is incredible for this.
Create a list.
It’s so simple, and yet so powerful. Create a list of everything that you want to do, and then list beside it a way that you could achieve it. It can be as unbelievable as anything, but as soon as you start putting your mind to it, the universe works in powerful ways.
How do you put yourself first? I’d love to hear from you – leave me a comment below. x
