You, Too, Can Have It All

So many things changed once I became internationally famous.
Yoga, for instance.  Sure, it’s still a big sweaty mess.  Sure, it’s still packed cheek to jowl, an exercise in concentration and, sometimes, forgiveness. 
It’s not that.  It’s the way the other yoginis look at me now.
“My mat was next to her a couple times, before she made it big,” I’d hear someone whisper.  “You know she can’t do crow pose.”
That’s a lie.  I could do it if I wanted to.  I just don’t want to.
But this isn’t about whether or not I can do crow pose.  This is about how much easier and fulfilling my life turned out to be once I became famous.
And it’s not just the fame, but the money!  The silk socks, the hairdresser who now lives in the pantry!  The chauffeur-driven limo to the bus stop and the fur-lined bus pass! Who knew it would be so satisfying?
It wasn’t always this way.  I was once like you, struggling, yearning.  But all that changed once my genius was discovered.
I mean, don’t get me wrong:  I still put on my rich-people pants one leg at a time.  It’s just that now, I’m surrounded by smiling toadies who tell me how well I do it.
And it’s true – I do put on a mean pair of pants. 
But how, you ask, did this happen?  And more importantly, how can someone like yourself get a piece of this action for yourself?
It’s easy!  Are you ready?  Because this is crazy easy!  Lean closer, because this is going to change your life…
Huh?!  Wha –?  Who –?  Oh, geez; I’m sorry.  I must’ve drifted off! 
Sorry about that.  Where were we?