Let's start with a song, shall we? Ahhhh....Babs:
Now, let's get real about buying flowers:
At a dinner part on Friday, we were barely
through the door when our host blurted: "My husband bought me flowers
today!"
My wife looked at me, while at the same time responding to our friend's
comment: "Isn't that nice, getting flowers from your husband."
The insinuation was clear: I do not often enough present my wife with flowers.
Well, Carnation, ain't I a boob.
For the record: it's absolutely true; I rarely bring home flowers.
But, there was a point I needed to make. I immediately issued a snide,
defensive apology:
"Sorry, sweetie. You're right. You easily out-do me in the flower
department 3 to 1."
"Really? Do I?" she asked, surprised.
"No!" I snapped.
With that, my defensive, immature point was made. I never receive flowers,
either.
Last night she mentioned a more recent
conversation among her women friends during which they all expressed dismay at
the infrequency with which their husbands give them flowers.
"You're right," I continued, "I don't bring home flowers.
I find other ways to show my appreciation for you: your favorite dark chocolate
or mint Aero bar hiding in the fridge; an unexpected bottle of your favorite
(low-tannin) wine which goes nicely with the meal I'm preparing; turning on the
hot tub in the morning so it's ready for your lovely self and the
beer-ginger-ale shandy I'm carrying into the back yard for you later in the afternoon."
Then I, as I usually do, decided to take things a step further:
"What have you done
for me lately?"
A bit of a yikes moment, but I still had a point to make. Her response was swift,
full of bluster, and entirely justified:
"I buy you your favorite bags of chips, and new clothes; I bring home all
sorts of surprises for you!"
"Exactly," I answered with deliberate calm. "which is why I never admonish you for not bringing me flowers."
*****
I would love to receive flowers. The
fact that they are normally identified as a gift for women doesn't bother
me at all; it's an unjustified, sexist categorization of a lovely gesture.
You don't buy flowers for someone because they're a woman; you buy them for
someone because of the implied message.
It tells the person you care about: 'While I was going about my day today,
at one point I became distracted by the thought of you. Here
is my way of showing you that, amid all of life's duties and timetables,
you're what I think of most.'
Are husbands not as worthy of that thought as
wives? Of course we are.
I'm sure most wives show their husbands how important they are through any
number of selfless gestures: sharing a specific meal they don't really
have a taste for, rubbing our shoulders, letting us choose a movie they think
is lousy, cuddling, saying 'I love you', giving us a spontaneous hug.
Likewise, women are on the receiving end of thousands of unspoken gestures of
love from their partners. If you're not, your relationship has more of a need
for counselling than it does for flowers.
Gestures of love present themselves in
thousands of mysterious ways. A bouquet is but one.
I'm one of those men who not only "Don't Bring Me Flowers Anymore";
I almost never did in the first place. But neither did you, and I'm OK with
that. I love you anyway.
