Xmas Letter of Apology

This is an old post but I thought I would give it an air…..
Dear Teacher,
I'm sorry that Little Guy has been coming to school with random, not-so-healthy snacks and lunches. We're leaving to go skiing and I'm trying to clear out the fridge. I do appreciate however, that a cottage cheese sandwich was not the brightest idea. Next time, call me and I'll come and clean up the mess myself.
As you've probably noticed, I am also using up my collection of "seasonal" napkins, and he tells me everyone has enjoyed trying to guess whether he will pull a Thanksgiving, Christmas or "fall" one from his lunchbag. I obviously wasn't paying attention on Monday and of course I appreciate that most of them can read now. I'm sure trying to explain "One Tequila, Two tequila, Three tequila, ...Floor" wasn't in your lesson plan for the day and if any parents complain, just point them in my direction.
He tells me he wasn't allowed to play outside today because he didn't have snow boots with him. Sorry about the inconvenience of having to supervise him in the classroom (and the inevitable tears this produced), but I have already packed them for our trip and if I open the suitcase I'll never get it shut again.
Ditto the snow pants.
We have searched and searched for the library book he brought home last week. I know I didn't pack it so it must be somewhere in the house. I did however, send a couple of bags of old books into school this morning for the used book sale. Perhaps you could wait till they have the sale in March and I rake through thousands of books to find it? If not, I will buy a new one when I have the time.
Please could you send back the Christmas present he brought in for you this morning. If you have already opened it, I hope you weren't offended. We actually bought you a scented candle. The chocolate body paint was a gag gift for a girlfriend.
Happy Holidays.