Although my Mom says that the first movie I ever saw in the theater was E.T., I have no clear memory of Elliott and his band of friends. No, for me the first real movie I can ever remember watching in the theater was 1984′s Ghostbusters. I wasn’t quite six years old yet and my family and I had gone to the drive in that weekend. I remembered being absolutely captivated by the film. Well as captivated as a five year old can be at that point in their life when your main focus is Saturday morning cartoons. Everything about it was so cool, from the ghosts, to the proton packs, to the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man himself. I of course didn’t get all the jokes and some of the scenes were incredibly terrifying. (The scene where Dana’s chair sprung demon hands and dragged her into the kitchen gave me nightmares). It didn’t matter. Ghostbusters became a film I wanted to watch every single day. Back to the Future, Star Wars, and Indiana Jones would soon fall into that category as well. However, like they say, you never forget your first and my first seminal movie was Ghostbusters without a doubt. When the sequel came out I harassed my parents into taking me, I asked for the toys every chance I got, and I watched the “The Real Ghostbusters” cartoon everyday before school. (Speaking of which Netflix is really missing the boat by not streaming it.) You could call it a fascination I suppose but let’s not gild the lily here–it was obsession.
As I grew into my teenage years and later into adulthood I revisited the classic film starring Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, Harold Ramis, and Ernie Hudson numerous times. I found a new appreciation for the film not only in the jokes I didn’t get before (“Yes it’s true, this man has no dick”) but also from a cinematic standpoint. The score, the visual effects, the cinematography, and Ivan Reitman’s slick direction made for a landmark film that still holds up today.
Yet despite the fact that the Universe has clearly given Hollywood signs not to make another film, the geniuses in Lala Land are insisting on doing a third Ghostbusters movie.
What the actual fuck Hollywood???
Ghostbusters III has essentially been in Development Hell for over twenty years. There’s been talk of a third film ever since Ghostbusters II released in 1989. It’s gained some headway over the last few years, mostly because of Dan Aykroyd. Some of the hottest names in Hollywood have been attached. Names like Michael Cera, Seth Rogen, Jonah Hill, Jack Black, and even Eliza Dushku have been bandied about. Dan Aykroyd apparently already had a script written which was supposedly meant to be re-written by Max Landis or Phil Lord and Chris Miller (22 Jump Street). Max Landis denied having anything to do with the film and Phil Lord and Chris Miller passed on the project. As of earlier this month Zombieland‘s Ruben Fleischer was also in talks to direct.If the process of bringing Ghostbusters III to the big screen appears more precarious and exhausting than waiting for George R.R. Martin’s next book in the Song of Ice and Fire series, that’s because it is.Fifteen years ago I would have been all about a third Ghostbusters movie. Hell even ten years ago. However making a case in support of Ghostbusters III is proving more fruitless than Hans Blix looking for WMDs. There’s no tangible evidence. It’s just not there.I mean there are so many reasons not to do this movie, it’s ridiculous. Let’s see: Bill Murray refuses to be in it, the director of the original two films, Ivan Reitman, dropped out, the studio keeps feeling various script writers out to rewrite the screenplay, Ashton Kutcher (that’s write Ashton fucking Kutcher) was once considered for a role, and Bill Murray allegedly put Dan Aykroyd’s script through a shredder and told him, “No one wants to see 60-year-old men chasing ghosts!”
And, oh yeah, Harold Ramis is dead.
The universe couldn’t be telling Hollywood not to do this movie any louder if Slimer busted out of the Ecto Containment Unit and screamed it at the studio execs.
People often wonder, why are there so many reboots and remakes and sequels of classic movies or pieces of pop culture from yesteryear? Total Recall, Transformers, G.I. Joe, Robocop, The Smurfs–the list is endless. The reason is because people who grew up in the late 70s, 80s, and early 90s and were fans of the material, are now adults and have money and influence in Hollywood. What baffles me is why these same reputed fanboys and fangirls don’t see the damage they’re doing. They are destroying our childhood memories by continuing to churn out crap just for the sake of making money. I’m fed up with it. Boy Johnny did these guys back the wrong horse. Will someone hose these people please?
You know what the saddest thing about all this is? If Ghostbusters III actually gets made, I’ll watch it. You know why? Because I have such fond memories of the films. And THAT’s why these types of films are so inherently vicious. The execs in Hollywood know they can play on the heartstrings and nostalgia of millennials by making these movies. They know they can get them to open their wallets and shell out the cash to go see Ghostbusters III in IMAX 3D. It borders on Machiavellian.
At this point as far as I’m concerned we should just leave Ghostbusters alone. Let’s revel in the original films, the cartoons, the toys, and let the awesome recent video game be the last thing connected to the franchise.
Maybe if enough people cry foul on this, the film won’t have a ghost of a chance of coming to life.
