Where I Watched it: Peacock
English Audio Description?: Yes.
Yes. This movie has audio description. The list of classic films and television shows that can’t get audio description is massive, but slap Winnie The Pooh into a low budget slasher and suddenly, audio description. Maybe we need to add Winnie The Pooh into more things we want to see audio described. Someone has over 10K signatures to get audio description on Gilmore Girls over at Netflix. Perhaps if it was Winnie The Pooh and Gilmore Girls, it would. or, the other option… Gilmore Girls: Blood and Honey.
There’s a loose plot to this film. The opening is the best part. Honestly, the first narration section is actually entertaining, as it takes the typical storybook format of explaining the adventures of the hundred acre wood, and putting Pooh Bear in the same space as concepts like “What happens when Christopher Robin goes to college?” It’s like a morbid Toy Story 4, if Woody and the gang just waited in the attic for Andy, before eventually becoming bloodthirsty killers.
The ghastly beginning suggests that not all is well in Pooh Corner, and due to starvation and abandonment, the only two remaining characters are Pooh and Piglet. Their character descriptions are pretty non-existent in the audio description, so I’ve got the image of those meet and greet characters, or the giant costumes they used in the live action Pooh on the Disney Channel in my brain. No size relativity is ever given, so I don’t know if Pooh and piglet are huge or small.
But, Christopher Robin does end up returning with his new fiancee and his plan is to immediately introduce her to his childhood friends. Except, now they kill everyone and everything in sight, and no longer talk. This is where the film kicks it up a notch (or several), because basically everyone else here is murdered in the goriest way possible. Pooh and/or Piglet will literally capture someone and drag them to a worse place to kill them. One is taken from a perfectly fine location to the ground so her head can be run over by a car that Pooh is driving.
i gotta be honest. To some extent, this qualifies in that so bad its good way, as it is just so absolutely bizarre, it becomes something of a legend in its own mind. The movie is absurd, the characters exist to die, and they do the weirdest things with our childhood friends. I’m quite surprised Pooh didn’t rape any of the girls, but there is a situation where he rips off one of their shirts so he can see their breasts (or the audience can). That scene was particularly idiotic, as i was trying to root for a girl to not be killed who was hiding next to a wood chipper. Good lord, girl. Next time, find the room full of chainsaws why don’t you?
Exploitatively gory, totally silly, poorly written, and even accompanied by audio description I would call functional, but below average. It misses out on a lot that would seem quite obvious to me if I were writing this audio description.
Honestly, if this hadn’t run on Peacock with audio description, I would have never bothered. However, I refuse to give this film the grade of F, which I reserve for films with no redeemable value whatsoever. I did like the opening sequence, genuinely. As soon as everything comes to life though, it’s a different story. There’s something of an oddity about this film, that makes it an interesting one off. Like, we did it. that’s what it would look like to ruin your childhood. I’m not sure what a sequel could possibly accomplish.
Final Grade: D-
