I shouldn't. But I will.
Unfortunately, I want to talk about the movie Wild. No, better, I want to write down, what it made me feel. This won't be a movie review, it's just the way I feel after watching this incredible special piece of Art.
The only thing, that I'll never forget about this movie, is how Cheryl once said " My mother was the love of my life." I nearly cried. (Okay, I did.) I've never heard someone say it like this and it broke my heart. I know, it's a movie based on the autobiographic novel written by Cheryl Strayed and Reese Witherspoon is only "portraying" her - but in that moment, I just thought this is Sheryl and Sheryl lost the love of her life.
I'm not the kind of human being that hugs everyone and tells friends and family that they are loved. Well, more the opposite. I expect everyone to know, that I do, that I worship my parents, even when they are totally acting crazy again or being old-fashioned about everything I want to do or I'm dreaming off, that I love my friends, who are as crazy and imperfect as I am. But I don't tell that people, why should I?
After watching this movie I had to control the urge to run down the stairs to hug my Mum without a reason. And my Dad. And my brother. Fortunately, I didn't. Seriously, they would've thought I went nuts ;)
The whole movie deals with forgiving yourself, with letting go and coming back. I couldn't take my eyes off of her, how she survived the desert, the long walks with bleeding feet, mile by mile, marching on without looking back.
I'm no philosopher, hell no, but I think this path, this track she did (Pacific Crest Trail) is one of the truest pictures of how our live works. We start, we walk, we run, we take a break. We always decide, if we want to be stuck or if we march on.
I thought about reading the book but I'm fine with the movie. I think, I won't read it. One comment on Goodreads made me a little bit sad. Someone wrote
"A self-absorbed, ill-prepared woman, 26 years old, leaves her husband (a decent guy) for no good reason, mucks her life up even further with drugs and reckless sex, then engages in some vacuous navel-gazing on the Pacific Crest Trail. [...]" (Book).
I haven't read the book, as mentioned, but all I want to say is: Yes! That woman was fucked up. She did drugs, left her husband, was selfish and destructive but seriously, I wouldn't break it down to that. It wouldn't be enough. But hey, I just saw a good movie and didn't read a good book.
Also, I thought about all the things I'm fearing to regret. I'm that crazy, that I already fear to regret things before I have even done them. What kind of person am I?
That was some very deep stuff here, people and because I'm not dealing well with deeeeeeep stuff, I'm going to stop it.
Watch the movie and be inspired, disgusted, disinterested - whatever. At least, you'll feel something and that's a promise.
Have you seen the movie or read the book? Will you watch it? What are your thoughts?
"What if I forgave myself? I thought. What if I forgave myself even though I'd done something I shouldn't have? What if I was a liar and a cheat and there was no excuse for what I'd done other than because it was what I wanted and needed to do? What if I was sorry, but if I could go back in time I wouldn't do anything differently than I had done? What if I'd actually wanted to fuck every one of those men? What if heroin taught me something? What if yes was the right answer instead of no? What if what made me do all those things everyone thought I shouldn't have done was what also had got me here? What if I was never redeemed? What if I already was?"
