Humor Magazine

Why Your Mane Shouldn’t Be Maintained!

By Bestfunnyblog @bestfunnyblog

Why Your Mane Shouldn’t Be Maintained!Now this is something fascinating to know! For those of you who think you have to look fashionable: then this article of learning a super cool new human power is not for you. If you’re anything like me and think long hair is awesome and super, then read on! I don’t know about some of you guys or gals out there that enjoy keeping up with the new styles of our generation. You know, the emo looks, the short hair or shaved look on both sexes, etc. (*cough*Willow Smith) Well, you guys are missing out on the best thing ever about having long hair: the senses. I said it! The senses. You know, “feed the senses!” Lend me your eyes for a moment my dear reader and get ready for some mind-twisting knowledge about hair! We all know that the Native Americans typically had long hair. Why? Because they are savages! No, that is not why. According to an article on, they kept their hair long (especially the warriors and hunters) for the ability to have keener senses. They said they could “sense” more movement in the forest and around them. So, our lovely scientists devised an experiment back in the days of the Vietnam War and hippies (who already had the right idea) to test how Native Americans would fair in war as stealthy assassins and killers. Well, they recruited the best ones from all around and sent them into the military. We all know how they like their boys to look… crew cuts! Seeing as how this is our custom, the Native American recruits got their lovely long locks mowed off. Of course, we paid the price. The Native Americans were being killed and not being successful in their missions. They claimed it was because they could not “sense” the enemy as well as they had previously with their long manes. In this great endeavor, scientists discovered that leaving your mane out to grow, stimulates your brain. That’s right, I said stimulate. It stimulates your nerve endings and your hair is an extension of your nerves; in a technical sense. But don’t start being all crazy and think you have super powers because you have long hair. Still, doesn’t this give a whole new meaning to the phrase ”using your head”? Now it can be your hair! Looks like my idea of growing my hair out isn’t so bad after all. Minus the itching, the sweaty back of your neck, and the occasional headache. Be sure to read the full article for all of the details (and take note of their disclaimer at the bottom of the page). Live long and prosper my fellow long-hair-growers!

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