In a recently published study, researchers asked 92 cohabitating heterosexual couples to answer a set of questions every day for 20 days that asked about their interactions with one another. Questions were designed to flush out autonomous each individual felt they could be in their contributions and decision making VS feeling pressured to be, say, or do things according to their partner’s wishes or influence. They were also asked to list the emotions they were experiencing during these interactions with their partner. At the end of 20 days, they were asked to rate their overall relationship satisfaction or happiness.
What the study showed is that when one’s partner behaved more dominantly during the day’s interactions, their relationship satisfaction decreased. The results were the same, regardless of whether it was the man or the woman who was behaving dominantly. The reasons given for their loss of satisfaction is that they felt like they had lost their autonomy by giving up all their power to their partner.
The take away here is that couples should work to find ways to share power and decision making in their relationship. I call this finding a win-win. Each partner needs to be OK with decisions that impact them as individuals and their relationship and family. If one partner gives up all their power, they will grow frustrated and resentful—and this can get acted out in many destructive ways.
