Life Coach Magazine

Why You Get Friendzoned

By Gjosefsberg @gjosefsberg
The Friend Zone

If you can lie to her, you can lie to yourself!

Ahh yes, the friendzone.  You know that place.  It’s where you get sent by that special someone who just isn’t into you.

You’ve been there for her for the last three years while she were with their asshole boyfriend.  You listened to her problems when he treated her badly, you gave her a shoulder to cry on when he cheated on her, you gave her good relationship advice when no one else would listen and you even helped her paint her house when that lousy, no good boyfriend went on a guys weekend and didn’t even remember her birthday.  So now, when she’s finally done with that jerk, you feel like you’re due a chance.  It’s your time to step in and get yourself a little something something if you know what I mean.  After all, all those years when he was a jerk, you were the perfect friend.  Surely now she’ll see that you’re also the perfect boyfriend!

Except she doesn’t seem to be getting it.  She’s looking at other guys while you’re standing right there.  She’s asking your opinion on who she should date when the perfect guy is right there!  Can’t she see that she belongs with you?

Well, other than in Taylor Swift songs, this story usually won’t end well.  Either she’ll ignore your potential forever, continually dating other guys while you seeth in the background, or you’ll admit your feelings to her and she’ll drop you like a hot potato.  Which means you’ll spend year thinking about that ungrateful bitch and how dare she treat you like this?  How dare she ignore you and move on when you’ve been there for her all those years.

Well, let me give you a few reasons for why you’ve been friendzoned or outright frienddumped.  (by the way, I use the male pronoun for the friend in this case but this happens just as often with women.  Again, there’s that Taylor Swift song if you want a perfect example)

You’re a liar – Yes, you, you’re a dishonest bastard.  All those years that you stood by her you weren’t really a friend.  You were a sneaky little worm trying to work his way into her pants.  How the hell is she going to trust you now when you’ve finally revealed yourself to be the lying cheat that you are?  Was all that advice about relationships for real or were you just trying to get rid of the competition?  Was that time you hugged her when she cried a true friend supporting her or were you just trying to cop a feel?

Sorry, but this kind if behavior is the height of dishonesty.  You are quite literally building up trust in order to achieve a goal that you didn’t reveal to her.  That’s evil.

You’re a coward – Yah, her ex might have been a jerk but at least he had the balls to outright tell her what he wanted.  You waited years to say it.  Even worse, people who do this are usually so cowardly that they expect their victim to “realize” they’re the perfect man and make the first move.  Even when the competition is gone they still can’t make a move.  Well you know what?  No one wants a relationship with a coward.  You want something?  Then you go out and get it.  If you wanted a relationship with her, you should have said it, not waited for her to “realize” how perfect you are.

You’re a door mat – People who pretend to be friends like this don’t act like normal friends.  They do their best to please, up to and including sacrificing their own needs and happiness just to be there for their victim.  You carry her books, you wash her car, you bring her food and you lend her money.  In other words, you’re a spineless worm who’ll do everything she says or asks for without expecting anything in return.  Sorry, but no one wants to be in a relationship with someone they disrespect.  Women, at least the good ones, want men they can respect and see as an equal, not a doormat who’ll be their servant.

You’re uninterested – Yep, why would she think you’re even interested in being with her?  After all, you’ve spent all this time pretending to be her friend without a hint of anything else.   Oh sure, you’ve made an inappropriate joke every once in a while, hoping that she’ll get the hint, but you’ve always laughed right after and told her you were kidding.  So why would she ever think you’re interested now when you’ve done your very best to convince her that you’re not?

So, to summarize, you’ve been friendzoned because you’re a lying spineless coward with no interest in being her boyfriend (or girlfriend).  Sound harsh?  Yep, but maybe this will get you to get off your ass and stop being this way.

If you’re interested in someone, tell them.  Be honest, take the risk and, if you fail, learn from it and move on.  That’s how you get better, that’s how you improve.  People who behave as I describe above are so afraid of failure that they never take a chance.  They expect other people to invite them, to make things easy, to make things safe.  Sorry, life just doesn’t work that way.  Get over your fear of failure or you’re going to be friendzoned forever.

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