Why, That Woman Has the Bearing of a Young Bea Arthur

I was asked, the other day, to pick out something I really liked about me.
Where to start?
Is it my outrageous earning capacity? My love of the drunken arm-wrestling champeenships? My ability to appear to be paying attention while I’m really making a mental grocery list for later?
No. It is not.
I, my friend, have some awesome posture.
Yeah. I know, right? I’m like a model citizen over here.
I credit my mother. It’s not like she would whap us with a broom or anything, but “stand up straight!” and “suck that in!” were regular commands as a child.
As she has pointed out, we are not from slouching people.
Many of the things my mother told me over the years have stuck with me (“wash your hands”, “don’t order the fish on a Monday”), which means that I can stand up straight and suck in my gut like nobody’s business.
I’m sorry to say, though, that I think both standing up straight and sucking in one’s gut have gone the way of popping your own corn or darning your socks.
Both of which I’ve been known to do.
There are a lot of slouchers on the bus. And sucking it in? Smacks of work, doesn't it?
It’s funny how often my posture gets attention. I'm serious! Makes me look alert (the world needs more lerts!) and sincere, don’t you think? I can just imagine the conversations that go on around me as I walk down the street…
“That woman over there! Hire her!”
or
“We need someone’s opinion. How about that upright citizen waiting for the bus?”
Sigh.
Have I told you lately how much I enjoy the time I spend in my own head?
It’s so warm and comfy in there.