Family Magazine

Why I Cringe When I Hear It's God's Will My Baby Died!

By Monicasmommusings @mom2natkatcj
It's no secret that I am not a huge advocate of natural childbirth. It's not natural childbirth in and of itself that I am against. I had two children naturally (in that I didn't have drugs, but I did have my water broke and it was in the hospital). What I am not a fan of is the die hards who really seem to forget about the baby in the whole birth process. The ones who say things like, "Breech is just a variation of normal!" or "We're made to birth!" These are also the ones who have lost a baby in homebirth and then say if I had it to do all over again I would do it exactly the same because it was God's will! 
God's will infuriates me!

God, the Father watches us all everywhere.

(Photo credit: angelofsweetbitter2009)

Saying I finally got the birth I wanted without doctors telling me what to do and when to do it infuriates me.  Because this is not God's will.  If God created man then he also created doctors.  If God has a plan, then maybe you missed it.  Because when you are being told over and over again that there are risk after risk if you do this at home and you do it anyways and your baby dies, that was not God's will.  God sent you that ultrasound that said your baby wasn't in a favorable position.  God sent you to that doctor that said you need to have a repeat c-section.  And you ignored God for your perfect birth experience and your baby paid the ultimate price.  But you would do it again?  Really?  You would KILL your baby again just so you don't have to be tied to a hospital bed and have people tell you what you can and cannot do!  You would have your baby die just so you could have as many people as you wanted around you when you were laboring and you could laugh and play?  All of that means more to you than your baby?
I just can't wrap my head around it! 
I am a woman who has experienced the loss of a baby.  One which truly was 'God's will' if you believe in all of that.  One which couldn't be saved even if I had done things differently!  I miss my baby girl every single day.  If someone told me today that all I had to do to have my baby in my arms again was go to the hospital then I would absolutely do that a million times over.  If someone told me they would have to gut me like a fish and poke me in the eyes until they bled to have her back I would do that and say okay and just for extra measure you can cut my fingers off too if that would help.  Because you know what my birth stories are meaningless without the baby in the end.
What would you do to insure you ended with a healthy happy baby? 

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