As human beings, our body will try to keep things the same, consistent, even if it is damaging to us in the long-run. It’s called Homeostasis…
It what keeps us the same temperature inside whilst laying on snow or sand, and it’s why our brains have a hard time breaking habits. But if you can just break-free, change can be the one thing that sets everything right.
I ended a long-term relationship in January after 7 years of building a life with someone who I, for every good intention, always thought I’d spend many more years with – perhaps even that dreaded word – forever. The last 10 months have whizzed by so quickly as I’ve thrown myself into a new job in London and many new film projects, including helping raise 22k on Indiegogo for Credence, the first sci-fi to challenge LGBT portrayal in film. Plug for the trailer below :)
But this weekend things slowed down a little, and I got to do a lot more reflecting than usual, being struck down with the flu. I went completely offline, emails were turned off and everything – I slept and rested for 3 days – which is completely unnatural to me. But, like most things, it was needed. This time alone forced me to think about where the last year has taken me – and where I want the next year to go.
As you do when you’re ill – I found myself watching a film that on the surface seemed superficial – but actually makes you think about life’s big questions. I chose Eat. Pray. Love. And surrounded by blankets and tissues, I sat, slowly realising why so many people say this film (and book) define their life’s choices – and – why change, is the most important lesson of all. I’ve included a few clips to illustrate below. Take a look :)
The first clip describes precisely how I felt last January, making the impossible decision to leave a relationship and life I actively took part in building and encouraging. I eventually realised we were both too scared of living alone – even though it was clear as much as we valued each other and still do, the values we had for life had become very different. It was the hardest decision I’ve ever made after positioning someone at the centre and rock of my life for 7 years, but over several months I’ve learnt that all damage is a blessing because it teaches you something about yourself. And people can be so fearful of change it can paralyse them. Something the following clip, about a Roman ruin, puts into perspective perfectly.
Travelling with work last year and living away from home taught me that change can be the hardest thing – but changing your surroundings can show you new opportunities you never knew existed. And from that lesson I took a brave step towards becoming happier – something which hurt a lot, but I was confident I’d get to a place which was better – for me and the people around me. Here’s a second clip…
I’m not sure why I didn’t see it coming when 3 months ago whilst transferring jobs to London (another change,) I met someone in New York. We met on a rooftop overlooking Manhattan, it felt like a movie as we discussed how different the stars looked in comparison to back home. But over time it’s got more and more real as I’ve begun to realise that love is, actually… re-findable – and similarly to all opportunities in new cities – only presents itself when you’re eyes are fully open to new opportunities.
It’s strange that his best quality is his difference – he’s fresh thinking. Just as he looks at the same stars as me but from an altered angle or perspective, his life experiences and views challenge me to think differently. His difference is making me remember what love actually feels like and what it actually feels like is completely new. We speak every morning and evening – have travelled to see each other every 3 weeks or so - and both seem to be up for the certain challenge of a cross-continent relationship. Approaching things a little differently. I guess you could even say the difference in our approach is also a huge factor to it working so well – neither of us would even settle for the standard set-up.
In effect – travelling last year taught me theres always so much you don’t know or understand – so much yet to learn. And that in turn taught me the importance of changing things that aren’t right – to never settle and to open myself to new experiences and opportunities, however different or difficult. And by trying to follow the advice of those I’ve met, new opportunities have lead to not only losing and then regaining faith in love – but also finding both a stronger faith in myself and others.
Whilst, Eat. Pray. Love was relatable to my own experience, so is it also relatable to thousands of other people’s lives – people who’ve chosen to not be afraid of changing, even if the path you’re treading is a little different to the crowd.
You can read in more depth about the lessons learnt whilst in New York here and let me know your own experiences on Twitter here.
