Growing up as a blonde-haired, blue-eyed Muslim in Philadelphia, Halimah Marcus felt the sting of never fitting in. Until a summer of change. In riding horses, Halimah becomes empowered. In her friend Melissa, she finds a sense of belonging with a competitive edge. Desperate to transform, Halimah also discovers an avenue of rebellion against her parents' stricture: anorexia.
As Halimah's body slips into the starved state she covets, the liberating joy of riding begins to falter. The more control Halimah has over her body, the less she has over her horse. Her trainer gives her a choice: be thin or ride.
Who Loves It Most is Halimah's reflection on the fragile balance of body and spirit that teenage American girls are expected to master. For Halimah, that balance becomes a religion, a place where the body is an altar of both worship and sacrifice. Ultimately, she discovers, recovery lies not in what we deny ourselves but in what we embrace.
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[When I was ten years old, the same year I began riding horses, four years before I ever tried to starve myself, my parents took me on the pilgrimage to Mecca and Medina]***
(Amazon Original Stories, 13 June 2019, 23 pages, e-book, borrowed from @AmazonKindle #PrimeReading)
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I found this essay to be incredibly sad as it focuses on the author's battle with anorexia, with a need to control something in her life when, growing up, as is often the case, so much felt beyond or out of her control. I've never been anorexic but I was obese as a child and still battle with food and my weight as an adult. I did the opposite of the author, overate instead of starvation. So I could relate to a lot of what the author experiences. Who Loves It Most is incredible sad yet there is a lot of hope and love as well. This is an impressive essay.
