Where I Watched It: In A Multiverse, Clearly. This Can’t Be Real. But, hulu.
English Audio Description Provided By: PixelLogic
Narrated By: Laura Post
What do we have here? Oh look, the same guy who thought a remake of House Party was what 2023 needed was also hired to remake White men Can’t jump. Perhaps, if we’re really fucking lucky, he’ll put Tyga in a remake of Friday.
Street ball rules apply. First to eleven, win by two. Me versus this film.
The film checks the ball, and immediately introduces me to people who are not Woody Harrelson and Wesley Snipes. I block taht shot, because obviously the original relied heavily on the chemistry between two charismatic actors. This one just grabbed some hip hop stars with limited to no acting experience. Harrelson and Snipes were so good together they also made Money Train. No one will want to see Jack Harlow and the less famous co-star I’m not bothering to even name again together in a film. I just dunked on the film. That’s 1-0 Me.
Make it take it. After checking, I question the relevance of the title, as the people in the film do. Harlow even makes a comment about how everyone knows white men can ball. So then what is the point? Is it ironic? Honestly, since the film didn’t bother to keep the same plot, and gave characters completely different motivations, it never needed this name either. If the film had been called “Fucking Around On A Basketball Court”, I don’t think anyone would have thought “Hmmmm… this feels like a remake of something.” 2-0 Me.
Lance Reddick is a treasure, and the sheer possibility that this might be his final film role should be recognized as a technical foul. Instead, it’s just another shot. 3-0.
the original point of Woody’s casting wasn’t just that he was white, but he was kind of country too, which made the whole film sell the White Men Can’t Jump title. A better casting option would have been Damon Wayans Jr and Jake johnson. They’ve worked together before and have good rapport and Johnson would have felt less like such an obvious choice, instead of Harlow’s would be basketball star. 4-0.
This film is also deeply missing a Rosie Perez to even things out. her scenes with Woody, her dreams of being on jeopardy, and her quote “sometimes when you win, you still lose” all just were missing from this film. Metiera of the two girls assigned to be love interests to the boys are interesting, and neither are Rosie Perez. 5-0.
As the film begins to fall apart it relies on cameos. Just like house Party. Just because you have famous friends doesn’t make the film good. 6-0.
Laura Post’s audio description doesn’t even seem like she’s fully dialed in. She is so used to narrating a wide array of films, but trying to pick a focus from a sports/comedy/melodrama and figure out what is the focus where is probably exhausting. However, despite the film being written by clearly AI technology, it is still called White Men Can’t Jump, and as much as Jack’s baller believes race doesn’t matter, it does. Sadly, this becomes one of those films where the race of every player becomes important, because if Jack is going to stand out, he has to stand out. If he doesn’t then the film sucks more.
The rest of the points scored come in forms of the films stars being musicians, but the most memorable thing about the film is that someone likes Ed Sheeran. There’s a missed opportunity to explore either of them and their talents, as well as replicate the sentimental moment from the first film where Woody wrote an original song to try and win Rosie Perez back.
It’s not really even a remake. It just wanted the title. Well, along with the title, comes comparisons. And they’re not unfair. it’s possible if this film had been named something else, and I had approached it with that different mindset, it might not be so low. But i truly believe, either way, this is not a good film.
And, a small request from Hollywood, can we please stop hiring this guy to remake hit 90’s comedies with all the soul of Pauly Shore?
Final Grade: D
