You don't run a website like this without people constantly asking you where is the best sex massage in Bangkok?
Here's the thing, if I knew where the best sex massage in Bangkok was, I wouldn't share it on my website.
Within 7 days you savages would go and run a muck.
C'mon Harvie, we won't run a muck, we promise.
The truth is I don't know where the best massage in Bangkok is, there's so many that I'd need to visit everyone to find out.
I'm happy to create a Kickstarter if you guys want to fund me to document that journey?
The more I'm asked this question and the more I think about it, the more I come to the conclusion that it doesn't exist.
You can visit the same massage shop 20 times and have 20 different experience raging from amazing to terrible.
The experience you receive depends on how you act and who you pick.
How to dress
The way you dress impact the quality of your massage.
Hold on a minute Harvie, you're saying if I wear crappy clothes there's a chance my massage will be terrible?
That's exactly what I'm saying.
If you dress up like a tourist as soon as you walk through the door, some girls are thinking:
"I'm going to milk this puppy for everything he's worth!"
Tourists are here for a short-time and don't come back, If you look like one there's a chance you'll get played.
If your massage is 90 minutes they may cut it to as low as 45 minutes. They may tell you a tip is mandatory or charge you extra for something that was free.
This happens on a daily basis to tourists, many aren't aware they are being played and think they've had the best time ever.
Tourists are the master of faux pas in Thailand, they will say the wrong things unknowingly to offend Thais.
Even if you're an expat, if you dress like a tourist you're inviting yourself to be tricked or scammed.
If you dress like a bum in vest and sandals - you'll receive the same treatment if not worse. You look like a tramp, who'd want to touch that?
Girls really care about how you dress and how you look. At the minimum wear a t-shirt with trousers and trainers.
By dressing well they will think you work in Thailand and know how these things operate (when you don't), so are less likely to try anything funny.
These girls only need a few customers to make good money, if they see a well dressed male walk in, they'll be more likely to talk to you as they'd rather have the clean man than the bum.
You're 10x likely to have a better experience and not get ripped off if you dress well.
Is she having a good day?
If the women's having a shitty day, chances are you'll receive a shitty massage.
How do you spot who is having a shitty day?
You can't.
When you walk into a massage shop sometimes the girls are in plain view, if this is the case select a masseuse who is giving you positive body language.
Some girls will blanetly point their head to the floor or get out their phone when you enter, this is their way of saying I DON'T LIKE YOU, don't pick me.
Don't be offended, that's just how it is. You can still pick them to be your masseuse but you're going to have a crappy time. Usually there will be 1-3 girls looking at you smiling, choose them.
Choosing your massage shop
As a rule of thumb I would advise the average tourist to stay away from shops in Asoke and Nana.
There are plenty of good massages there, but there's too many tourists and the people working there are more likely to give you a bad service.
They will ask you questions such like where your hotel is or how long you've been here, this is there way of quantifying whether you're an expat who knows the score, or a tourist who they can exploit.
Phrom Phong is a great area, very professional and prices are listed out in full so there is no confusion. They are the considered the best easily accessible massages for newbies.
Pro-tip: Google the name of the shop and it doesn't turn up online don't visit. From my time running this blog I've found that massages shops that have a good online presence care about their reputation and do they best to offer tourists a good service.
Someone left a comment that they had a bad massage somewhere, and the massage shop contacted me asking for me to reach out to the person to find out what exactly happened so they could improve their service.
Many people are like I don't know if I should trust this shop because they've paid to this blogger to promote it, but they are actually the best ones to visit because they know if they mess you around, you'll talk crap about them online which hurts their business.
How you act
How you act is probably the biggest factor that determines how good or bad your massage will be.
Some of you put yourself second and are super polite and give the masseur a lot of respect. If this describes you, you'll most likely have a great time if you follow the tips above.
Some of you are losers, misogynists, sex addicts who are self-centred who only care about #1 and have no respect for the other person.
If you're the second person, this article is probably no use to you because all you want to do is nut and the experience itself doesn't matter. If that is YOU, you have issues that need to be addressed. I've seen this type of person many times over, they are toxic to be around, often thinking what they do is justified. This type of person is common in Thailand because it's where guys who have been hurt by western women go first.When you enter the shop, be nice, smile, don't rush, don't be a pervert, don't be forceful or rude. Have a conversation, get to know your masseur, ask her name and background, perhaps even learn a bit of Thai (that goes a long way to a great experience).
Never go in drunk or smelling like you've been drinking.
How does pricing work
Pricing for the most part is the same in most places give or take 500 baht.
If you enter a soapy type place they may tell you that women charge a higher fee (5,000- 10,000). They are not scamming you, certain girls that have a specific look Asians like are often more expensive and usually paid for by Koreans and Japanese.
Pricing is usually upfront at most legitimate places, if no pricing is mentioned be sure to ask before you do anything.
What else can I do?
If there are specific things you'd like to do as I know some of you have fetishes, you should ask the person who is hosting you. Yes when you enter you'll have a person sitting along side you who will answer ANY question you have about their service.
Want to lick toe nails, ask to see if that is possible.
So where is the best massage shop in Bangkok?
The best massage shop in Bangkok is totally subjective.
To some a good massage shop means university girls who are hot but lack experience and chemistry.
To others it may be an older girl who may not look like a model, but offers a great service and personal connection.
Each person is different and what you consider a good massage others may not.
What I advise you to do is visit a few and compare the experience and service. Then keep going back to the ones you like, make friends with the people there and each time you revisit they will treat you with more respect and care.
Did I miss something? Leave a comment below with your thoughts.
If you're thinking about moving to Thailand and need help or advice, check out my Online Nomad Group by clicking here.
