Yes, the zoo. I don't know why we have such an affinity with it but right before we even had kids, the hubby and I would take time off to visit the animal friends and enjoy a couple date in the wild.
I remember when we had our pre-wedding photoshoot at the zoo, I could feel almost all eyes on me and even hear some of the passers-by giving me their heartfelt congratulations. It was a moment of true joy, true bliss and true love. When we went onto the horse carriage, that being my first time ever, I guess I realised that fairytales don't just live in books and Prince Charmings don't just appear in dreams. With every breath, I held strongly onto the belief that I was the one lucky girl in the universe who was able to find her happily ever after.
Fast forward and more than four years has passed since that day when I was dressed in the bridal gown amidst flamingos and camels. Last Saturday, we visited the zoo once again and thanks to the kind uncle who let me rode for free, it was the first time we sat on a horse carriage as a family of four.It's funny how emotions hit you when you least expect it. It wasn't the bright scorching sun or the incessant perspiration, it was that feeling of happiness, of gratitude, of family ties that warmed my heart.
From two to four.
Yes, the hubby and I might not have been able to watch a late night movie for years. I might not be able to enjoy a good night's sleep, take a nice bath or indulge in a meal for more than ten minutes. We might not get the chance to rest and relax on a Sunday without having the kids bugging us to take them out. He might get worse eye bags from reading bedtime stories to a book lover kid just before midnight. I might get more backaches in a year looking after a baby as compared to a decade of playing sports. We might not be able to go to all the places, see all we want to see and do all we want to do like during the days when it was just the two of us.
So what was it that warmed my heart, actually?
I would say the it is quite indescribable and to understand it, you have to become a parent. To put simply in words, having a kid means having someone to love with all your heart and who loves you back unconditionally. Knowing that someone needs you, cares for you and misses you when you are gone for five minutes. Realising that you have the power to fight the world just to protect your little one. Feeling your heart skip a beat when he runs to the road. Shedding those uncontrollable tears when she goes to her first day of school. Feeling guilty when you have to feed the baby food from a jar. Losing your sanity when he shoves food onto the floor. Not knowing to laugh or weep when poo spurts on you. Seeing kids throw senseless tantrums in public and giving a "I can totally emphathise" look at the parent. Feeling on top of the world when she calls you "Mama" for the first time. Wanting to hit your head against the wall when your baby falls off the bed. Knowing that everything is worth it when you see the smiles, hear the laughter, feel the love, the cuddles, the hugs and the kisses.
This list of mine can probably go on forever. The ups and downs, joy and agony, fulfillment and frustration, hope and guilt, that comes with parenthood. It is not something I pictured and everything beyond my wildest imagination, and after four years into being a mum, I still find that every day brings with it a new surprise. That is the beauty of this journey, isn't it? The good and bad moments come together to make this road such a challenging but nonetheless extremely gratifying one.
I am just so thankful to have my two princesses join us on our carriage of life. While quarrels, heartbreaks, tantrums and tears might lay ahead of us, from the way I see it, yes, I am living my happily ever after.
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