Family Magazine

Whatever You’re Doing, It’s The Wrong Thing To Do

By Bigdaddycarlos @BigDaddyBlogger

If Everybody Likes What Your Doing, You're Doing it WrongSo, as y’all know, Evie is sick. This means—of course—that the only beings in the house that are not sick are the Chihuahuas, though they seem way too well-behaved to be at 100% themselves.

Evie is getting better even as Baby Momma and I descend into the grips of matching, full-on chest colds. We see this as a character building experience. Mind you, I do have enough energy to vent a little.

In the age of the always-on Internet, there’s no excuse for not being able to find any piece of information you might require, at any time. Naturally, first-time parenthood presents a plethora of these queries.

A few nights ago I Googled “using vicks vaporub on babies…”

Aw,  screw it!

For the purposes of my gripe, all we need search for is “using                     on babies.” Whatever you choose to fill the blank with, say “cotton balls” or, perchance, “meat cleavers,” your search results will contain lots of this:

“My best friend’s sister’s boyfriend’s brother’s girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who’s going with the girl who saw Ferris pass out at 31 Flavors last night had the kid who grew an second head after exposure to                    .”

“I guess it’s pretty serious.”

Whatever you do as a parent, someone out there is just waiting to tell you it’s the worst possible thing you could do. Natural birth vs. “give me the epidural now!” Breast vs. bottle. Cloth vs. disposable. They all have their own rabid advocates ready to pass judgment on you and the future prospects of your offspring. Your child will be doomed—make that DOOMED—because you have deigned to follow your own, ill-advised path.

How will your precious rugrat make it to the Ivy League after you’ve subjected their poor teenie-weenie hip joints to the torture of a Baby Bjorn?

It’s really effing annoying. Frankly, I think we could all use more information and less pontification. The fact is that, even on what may seem to us a “settled issue,” there can be other active and sane schools of thought.

Case in point: a few months ago, a Swedish friend of mine was tweeting on the unfortunate conical shape of her head. I reminded her that it was a consequence of having such a well-developed brain. She begged to differ, tweeting that infant-rearing fashion in her day—in the land of the great IKEA—was to have children sleep on their backs to prevent SIDS.

World Trampoline Federation?

Yes, you read that right. Babies in Sweden are no longer made to sleep on their backs in the name of SIDS-prevention. I guess that rule may not be so “carved-in-stone” after all.

Yes, we’ve all heard that babies don’t come with instruction manuals. They don’t come with manifestos either. No one among us has a monopoly on the right things to do, and no parent should be shamed because they choose a reasonable parenting method that happens to differ from our own.

And—for the record—we finally found Vicks BabyRub, which did wonders for Evie’s congestion. Your mileage may vary, however.

Doing it Wrong print by Chris Piascik

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