Dating Magazine

What Your Fantasies Say About Your Relationship

By Datecoachtoni @CoachToni

Research has found that almost everyone has sexual fantasies, approximately 95 to 98% of people actually. This finding is that that surprising—at least to the 95% or so of us who have them. What may come as a surprise is that new research has found that relationships are improved and enhanced by fantasy—as long as the partners are fantasizing about each other instead of, well you know.

Another thing we didn’t need research to reveal is that men’s fantasies are more sexually graphic, while women fantasize more about romance fueled by emotions. But this latest research teases out more interesting detail that points to fantasizes being tied to certain personality types as well as what people want from their relationships. Now all we need is a first date quiz that would help the individual’s learn more about one another’s sexual fantasies in order to know if they are compatible in their relationships goals. Not very romantic and maybe would need to be shelved till the second or third date. However it sure could save a lot of time and wasted effort.

Not surprising is that the kind of fantasies that people have are determined by a number of factors besides gender. These include age, past sexual experiences, the length of a relationship and degree of happiness in it, personality and even emotional style (cuddly, warm, distant, and detached). For instance if someone is attachment avoidant, they fantasize about casual, unemotional sex. If they are insecure and fear losing love, they fantasize about pleasing their partner. Secure people fantasize about loving and romantic sex with a strong emotional element. When you think about it, it’s pretty logical.

Maybe when people talk about desperation, clinginess, and neediness as turn-offs—what they are really pointing to is that this person is insecure and has low-self-esteem. Confidence and strong self-esteem are turn-ons for most of us.

The important take away from the resent research is that fantasizing about YOUR partner will help your relationship. Yes, everyone, especially men fantasize about others from time to time—but focusing on one’s partner can actually improve how you relate to one another. On study found that people who fantasize about their partner one day were more likely to feel more committed and trusting towards them the next day. Another study showed that when a partner fantasized about their partner, they were more likely to be kinder and more positive to them the next day.

For anyone in a relationship—try making your partner the sole object of your fantasies. Your relationship will thank you for it.


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