Sure, we may be getting ahead of ourselves, but… okay, we’ll admit it. We’re completely and utterly out of our minds over a potential Cubs championship.
We’re not just aboard the hype train. That thundering locomotive is charging full speed ahead with no signs of stopping.
We’re not just yelling at the TV. We’re clutching our couches so intensely that we’ve actually ripped off pieces of leather.
We’re not just… well, you get the point.
With the Cubs hysteria sweeping across town, we thought it might be fun to speculate on what would happen if the Cubs brought it home this year, and we think you’ll like the outcome.
2.7 Million People Would Call in Sick to Work
Not that this needs ay explanation, but you can rest assured that nothing would get done for AT LEAST one day after the Cubs victory. While us Chicagoans aren’t really the rioting type, we do go completely nuts for championships (We’re looking at you Blackhawks Parade). Combined with the inevitable weeklong championship hangover, you’re looking at a grinding halt in all Chicago business.
Still, this is just a blip on the radar compared to the time spent daydreaming about a World Series victory these last 107 years.
Jake Arrieta Would Be Crowned King
While King Arrieta doesn’t quite sound like your traditional monarch, we’d be willing to give him a pass on that end. The man is a machine. It’s also likely that you’d start seeing “Joe Maddon for Mayor” signs popping up in a yard near you.
And ya know what? We might even vote for him.
Back to the Future Would Become Prophecy
If you haven’t heard by now, Back to the Future predicted our beloved Cubbies to win the World Series this year. Take a look.
If it does actually happen, sales of the movie will skyrocket. It’s already a classic, sure. But it’ll become legendary overnight.
We’d Finally Tolerate Billy Goats
Sayonara Billy Goat Curse. We won’t miss you.
As for billy goats themselves, they wouldn’t become our city animal or anything, but we’d have to learn to warm up to the majestic creatures. Maybe throw a beard compliment their way or something?
Heck, Stephen Colbert may even apologize for kicking a goat out of his live studio audience.
Figuratively, of course.
Odds are you’d have to wait in line for half a day to even sniff a bar within walking distance of Wrigley, but ya know what, the streets would be a party anyway, so who cares? We sure don’t.
Chicagoans Would Finally Be Able to Travel Without Hearing a Lame Cubs Joke
Loveable Losers be damned, we’d be a dynasty in the making. You know what’s funnier than a 100+ year championship drought? Not having enough fingers for all of your upcoming championship rings. Take that, Jake from St. Louis.
Steve Bartman Would Be Pardoned
“Hey, Steve… we’re uh… we’re sorry, man. We got a little caught up in the moment, and we just hope that one day you’re willing to forgive us. Because… we forgive you. You hear that? We forgive you, Steve.” – Chicago (with tears in it’s eyes)
Welp, that just about does it for our predictions. Have any of your own? Let us know on Facebook or @ChicagoGenie on Twitter.
