As an undergraduate, Michele Filgate started writing an essay about being abused by her stepfather. It took her more than a decade to realize what she was actually trying to write: how this affected her relationship with her mother. When it was finally published, the essay went viral, shared on social media by Anne Lamott, Rebecca Solnit, and many others. The outpouring of responses gave Filgate an idea, and the resulting anthology offers a candid look at our relationships with our mothers.
While some of the writers in this book are estranged from their mothers, others are extremely close. Leslie Jamison writes about trying to discover who her seemingly perfect mother was before ever becoming a mom. In Cathi Hanauer's hilarious piece, she finally gets a chance to have a conversation with her mother that isn't interrupted by her domineering (but lovable) father. André Aciman writes about what it was like to have a deaf mother. Melissa Febos uses mythology as a lens to look at her close-knit relationship with her psychotherapist mother. And Julianna Baggott talks about having a mom who tells her everything.
As Filgate writes, "Our mothers are our first homes, and that's why we're always trying to return to them." There's relief in breaking the silence. Acknowledging what we couldn't say for so long is one way to heal our relationships with others and, perhaps most important, with ourselves.
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[On the first cold day of November, when it was so frigid that I finally needed to accept the fact that it was time to take my winter coat out of the closet, I had a craving for something warm and savoury]***
(@simonschusterUK, 30 April 2019, 288 pages, ebook, borrowed from @GlasgowLib via @OverDriveLibs)
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I found this collection of essays incredibly moving and brutally honest. There's a lot published about perfect parents and perfect mother/father and son/daughter relationships. This book offers the opposite, brutal, painful at times yet totally honest accounts of parents who sometimes get it right but more often than not get in very wrong. Some of the pieces, such as the title essay by Michele Filgate about being abused by her stepfather and the fact her mother is still with him was painfully raw and very hard to read. Every essay touched me deeply. This is a must-read collection of essays.
