I am trial this new idea where I basically look at a film and give commentary in a comical way, these posts will be spoiler heavy and I will leave a link to the real review inside.
From the makers of The Matrix comes the story of a girl named after a Roman God & Planet from Russia, born to no country making her an alien to her new home the USA. Growing up into the most beautiful toilet cleaner of all time Mila Kunis who lives with her large family and only dates assholes leaving her single.
When the Lannister’s , I mean the Abrasax’s are planning to the next harvest the planet they are targeting is Earth, Each member of the siblings Balem, Titus and Kalique wants the harvest from Earth but our little toilet cleaner is preventing them all.
Time for Channing Tatum with his second delayed film in two years and he has elf ears to save Mila Kunis because we need a leading cast that includes the winner of sexiest woman alive and sexiest man alive to make this work.
Oooo Sean Bean is in this well at least we know we can wait to see how they decide to kill him off this time.
Balem has a striking resemblance to Zorg from Fifth Element who get super strong space mutant hybrid creatures doing his work wants to harvest the Earth, Titus who reminds me of Dorian Grey and when you see what this family uses the harvest for most have be in the inspiration. We also have the sister who lives in the middle of a Star Wars Episode 1-3 world.
They each explain why they want to either trick or kill Mila seriously why would you want to kill Mila she is show lovely and we want to know what her Jim Bean tastes like.
The whole film ends up getting caught up wondering what will happen but we literally see the base on Jupiter where they want Jupiter because Jupiter is the key to Earth’s survival, YEAH JUPITER.
Turns out Channing Tatum is a Lycian and wouldn’t look out of place in Twilight Saga kicking Robert Pattinson Arse while trying to put a smile on Kirsten Stewart’s face, I have never seen Twilight so I guess this is the jist of the trash.
Even after Zorg is beaten and dies in the clichéd falling we have two over member of the Lannister’s harvesting planets but Mila now Queen of Earth goes back to cleaning toilets and hover blading with the now angel Channing Tatum. The End, Wait Sean Bean didn’t die are you serious, what about an end credits scene, no well shit.
