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What I’ve Learned About Coming Back From a Toxic Situation

By Leslielazard @leslielazard

What I’ve Learned About Coming Back From a Toxic Situation

They say if you want to make God laugh, then just tell him your plans. That phrase couldn't have been more perfect to describe the last few months of my life. I am over-thinker, planner and perfectionist. These traits can be both a blessing and a curse. I'll avoid creating or sharing what I've created due to it not being "perfect". Sometimes I over-think situations, and cause myself so much unnecessary anxiety. I plan things out to a "T", and spiral when situations don't turn out as I planned.

I'm not a stranger to my faults, and have made a more conscious effort, especially over the past year and a half, to work on changing them. I personally felt as though I had been making great progress and then towards the end of last year I was faced with an unexpected situation that temporarily totally flipped my life upside down, and at the absolute worst time, about a week and a half before Christmas. I won't share all of the details here, as they involve a family member, and it's extremely personal, but things got very toxic and I was forced to regroup, and either scrap or postpone all of the personal and professional goals I had originally set for myself for the new year.

It's been almost 2 months, and I'm just starting to land on my feet again.

Here are some of the lessons I've learned a lot about forgiveness, perseverance and adaptability, and quite frankly, navigating toxic traits/toxic relationships with a partner, close friend, or family member...

I don't think this is said enough, especially in the black community, but it is ok to not have a relationship with a family member if that person is toxic or otherwise interfering with your peace of mind - in any type of way. Let's normalize this. Anything interfering with your peace has to go. I don't care who or what it is.

Don't stress yourself out over someone who isn't stressing over you. There was a night when I had been crying all day, and someone said to me "do you think so and so is over there crying over this right now? No, they're probably sound asleep, and sleeping peacefully at that." This was such an eye opener for me. Cry for a few minutes, allow yourself to be sad, angry, whatever emotion it is you may need to feel, then KEEP IT PUSHING.

Find something, anything, to be grateful for. I was so focused on my disappointment and hurt that I let it consume me. It only started getting better when I started shifting my thoughts to focusing on the positive things in my situation. It may not seem like there are many positives at first, but trust me there are. Shift your energy and your way of thinking and you will find positives to hone in on.

I can't control everything or anyone else for that matter. Life is literally a constant state of change - the only constant being that things are bound to change or not go the way you'd originally planned. Embrace this. So many times things will work out for our greater good, it's just hard to see this when you're going through something. A quote I live by is "the only way out is through." This has always held true for me, and I hope it will hold true for you as well.

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