Continuing my series on stroke for Stroke Awareness Month, I wanted to talk about what stroke feels like and what it felt like for me. Stroke feels different for everyone, but some of the common symptoms are extreme tiredness, shortness of breath, blurred vision, prolonged dizziness, migraines, facial droop, slurred speech and numbness or loss of functionality of certain limbs.The week of my stroke I was out of town on business, finishing up a large project. I had felt weak off and on for a few days and a little lethargic. (I suffer from mennoraghia, so this is kind of normal for me). Early in the week, while at work one afternoon, I decided to get a cup of coffee and when I went to stand up I felt dizzy and sat right back down. The only way I could describe what I felt next was “heavy”, almost as if someone was standing behind me, pushing down on my shoulders. No pain, I just felt like all of a suddenly I felt like I weighed 300 pounds. When I tried to drink some juice, I missed my mouth and hit my cheek. I looked back at the bottle and this time it went where it was supposed to. After drinking the bottle of juice, the heaviness went away and I felt lucid again. The entire episode felt like it lasted an hour but in reality was only a few minutes. I figured that my electrolytes had just gotten really low (I suffer from mennoraghia) and resigned to drink more juice for a few days and to call my doctor the following week when I got home.
That was a mistake.
For the next few days I continued to feel exhausted. I would leave work at 6pm, have a small dinner and just get in the bed. I only would get up to use the bathroom or drink water. That Friday I decided to get up a little early and do a little yoga in my hotel room and I was surprised to find that I was having trouble holding very basic poses because my balance was off. Again, I attributed it to my anemia and hoped that I might need to get a blood transfusion, (I’ve had those in the past) before I went home for the holidays. I cut my yoga practice short and went to work. Then around lunchtime I tripped. I didn’t fall, but it was as if I’d tripped over my own feet and had trouble regaining my balance for a few seconds. Later, it felt like I had gum on my shoe or something that kept making my shoe stick to the carpeting as I walked. It wasn’t until around 4pm when a co-worker stopped me in the hallway, asked me why I was limping that I realized that things might be more serious than I thought. I was suddenly very aware of my left leg and as I caught my reflection in the glass office doors I saw that I was leaning to the left, when it felt like I was standing straight.I quickly said my goodbyes for the Christmas holiday and headed back to the hotel, all the while trying to stay calm until I could get back to my hotel room and take a good look at myself.
Half a block from the hotel I tripped again.
This time, I couldn’t recover. I had to actively think about moving my left leg forward and that feeling of “heaviness” was back, but this time is was focused on my left side. I slowly made my way the rest of the way and one of the doormen asked me if I had sprained my ankle.Things were worse when I got back to my room. I couldn’t seem to get my left hand into my pocket to get my keycard out of my left pocket. First, I couldn’t find my pocket and then when I did, I couldn’t grip the card. It was as if my whole left side was shutting down and that’s the first time actually thought…
I’m having a stroke.
I took off my coat so that I could reach my pocket with my right hand and open the door. Once inside I dropped everything, the coat, my laptop, purse and to the the floor. I dragged myself over to the full length mirror that’s when I got hit with the full brunt of what was happening to me. My leg, arm and hand were hanging limp, and although I could still feel them, I couldn’t make them move very much. My leg, ankle and hip couldn’t seem to hold my weight, and when I tried to walk, the whole room tilted like I was on a boat or something. I immediately got down on the floor on all fours.
I fall in here and crack my head on something, no one will know what’s happening to me.
I crawled to the phone and called the concierge and told him to get a pen and a piece of paper and not to interrupt me until I was finished. (I was afraid that I would lose the ability to speak). First, I told him that I needed an ambulance and what to say to 911 when he called. Then I gave him the number of a friend of mine (who was basically my emergency contact and would contact my family for me) and I asked that he call that friend again once the ambulance knew which hospital they were taking me to.
When I hung up the phone, I crawled to the closet, dug in my suitcase for some underwear (since I was sure that I would be staying in the hospital overnight), put that in my laptop bag with, my cell phone, charger, and my wallet. Then I crawled to the door, unlocked it, and crawled back to the bag and my coat and waited.
When the EMTs arrived, they asked me if I could stand and by that time, my entire left side of my body had checked out. Everything from my shoulder to my foot felt like lead and even though I was mentally screaming at my limbs to work, they would not. I never lost consciousness, I never had a bad headache or migraine, I was not in any pain. I was able to very clearly speak and explain what was happening to me. Even the EMTs didn’t think I was having a stroke because of how alert I was. Once I got to the ER and they took me for a CAT scan and that’s when I asked the neurologist for some answers.
Me: “So doc, am I having a stroke?”
Doc: “Right now?”
Me: (No next week.) “Yes, what’s happening to me right now?”
Doc: “Oh, yes, you’re having a stroke right now. But that’s not the disturbing part.”
Me: “Really? Because I would disagree.”
Doc: “…the disturbing part is that you had another one earlier this week and at least 3 older ones that I can see on this basic scan. You may have had more, but we won’t know until we give you an MRI.”
By the time all of the tests were run, it was confirmed that I had had at least 4 strokes (not mini-strokes) within the previous 6 months. Christmas Day I woke up in a rehab facility, away from home, alone, staring at a walker that had been put next to my bed while I slept, trying to figure out what the hell had happened to me.
I wanted to tell my story because I believe more people have done what I did and have ignored certain symptoms and because they have been diagnosed with other illnesses, or are used to just working through pain or discomfort, they are ignoring the signs of this disease and are putting themselves at greater risk. This is the reason why so many strokes go unreported and unnoticed. It is possible that if I had gone to the hospital when I had symptoms earlier in the week, I would not be limping today.
• In the next installment, I’ll go over what are the risk factors for stroke and why sometimes, (as in my case) it doesn’t matter.
